Short Review: The media reports of Tom Cruise’s kid’s feces being bronzed may be in error. As it turns out, it may have actually been the shooting script for this film.


There are two big issues with this Tom Cruise movie:

1. Tom Cruise
2. The movie

My issue with Cruise is that he is Tom Cruise in nearly every movie he appears in. He is not an actor. He is a personality. I'm not a fan of personalities.

Looking beyond Cruise, which normally involves simply standing up, you will find Alias and Lost creator JJ Abrams at the helm of this project. This was his first feature film. I enjoy Abrams’ television work. His shows are vacuous and embarrassingly simple. His characters are emotional single-line caricatures but are given enough clever flints of dialog to make them likable. His shows are what they intend to be, disposable yet addictive fluff.

This film is just as disposable as Abrams' TV work. The difference is that this film actually prompts you to throw it away.

Where Abrams’ Alias can get you to suspend your disbelief so you’ll buy that Jennifer Garner can smuggle a XM8 Lightweight Assault Rifle in her camisole, his big fat McMovie can’t get beyond its own bloated subplots. This whole film is one big Alias episode without the benefit of Garner’s charm or Kevin Weisman’s (Marhsall Finkman) humor. Abrams goes so far as to insert, for no reason, Greg Grunberg (Alias’ Eric Weiss) into the first act. This would be like Leonard Nimoy striking it out on his own back in the 70’s but refusing to take off his pointy ears.

Absent the distraction of Jennifer Garner in a body sock shooting a TM-203 Grenade Launcher, Abrams' adoration of cheesy scripting is made just that much more obvious.

If you haven’t seen the film you may want to stop reading, I’m about to spoil the works. Although now that I consider my warning, I'm not sure that's really possible. Can you spoil trash?

The central point of the film is that super-spy Ethan Hunt tries to prove to himself (and others) that he can have a normal life with a wife and the whole shebang. All of this is wrapped up in a muddled plot which pushes Hunt to obtain “The Rabbit’s Foot”. This is currently in the pudgy hands of bad guy arms dealer Owen Davian (Philip Seymour Hoffman). Yes, the villain’s name is really Owen. Owen. " Oh, no here comes Owen." "I'm so scared of Owen!" Why not Karl, or perhaps Irwin?

“The Rabbit’s Foot” is a toxin Owen is looking to sell to bigger badder guys. Actually, we’re never told what “The Rabbit’s Foot” is and why we should care. For that matter, we’re not given the identity of the bigger badder guys and why they're so scary. Everything is nebulous, which means they are meaningless.

Owen, while performed well by Hoffman, is not an ominous figure. Since he and Ethan aren’t the focus and the conflict between the two is not clearly established, the climatic scenes lose their wind. Any momentum found in the first act is spent by halfway through the film because Abrams is too intent on wedging in a conspiracy subplot into the piece that the film simply can’t support.

Here is a heads up for all of the big time, huge budget Hollywood goofballs; If you have a big, fat McMovie and you need to reach a broad international audience, the recipe is easy:


What this does is create a firm central plot from which you can hang subplots and any other nonsense you want.


If you’re a fan of JJ Abrams’ work, stick with his small screen products. This film, while offering a few well crafted moments, will ultimately waste your time. If you’re going to do that you may as well see Jennifer Garner kill a dozen guys with a flame-thrower while parachuting wearing nothing more than a teddy.


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Labels: Billy Crudup, Eddie Marsan, film, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Keri Russell, Laurence Fishburne, Michelle Monaghan, movie review, Philip Seymour Hoffman, sequel, Simon Pegg, Tom Cruise, Ving Rhames

I did not have high hopes for this one. Tom Cruise starring in a film about the failed assassination of Adolf Hitler? We already know how it ends and Cruise hasn’t shown his ability to act in nearly a decade. Luckily, the production was helmed by Bryan Singer and co-written by his The Usual Suspects partner Christopher McQuarrie along with Nathan Alexander. This production makes it clear that Singer and McQuarrie need to work together more often.

Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg (Cruise) is literally torn to pieces following an attack in Nazi occupied Africa. He comes to admit that Germany has been duped and the Fuhrer is leading them to destruction.

Stauffenberg is a German solider and he loves his country. To protect his homeland he decides the only answer is to assassinate Adolf Hitler. In this goal he finds many willing conspirators looking to do their part. As history tells us, they fail. Hitler survives the attempt and all the men are executed.

Despite the history, the film is surprisingly suspenseful. Singer managed to get me to hope the conspirators would succeed in their plot. Smartly, Singer and crew focused less on the conspiracy itself at the beginning and built up the personalities involved. This allows the audience to invest themselves in the doomed men. The men are presented not as Nazi stereotypes but for what they were, real men caught up in an impossible situation. Their leaders weren’t what they seemed and were an existential threat to everything they knew.

It should also be noted that Singer avoids delving into the worldviews of the Nazis, the concepts that they were fighting for. Its easier to create a sympathetic character if you avoid all of that Jew-hating, racist rhetoric he believes.

I’ve never been a huge fan of Cruise. This is primarily because I don’t find his films to be worth watching. He is a good actor when prompted and this film shows his ability. He’s a good and inviting lead who carries a bulk of the production. I would say this is his best performance in years, but that should go without saying. When he hasn’t been starring in Spielberg’s self-indulgent failures, he has been gritting his teeth in those tedious Mission Impossible movies. This is his best performance in years because this is his first film in years that called for a good performance.

Those who love historical and/or war movies will most likely enjoy this film. It is intelligently crafted while still being a Hollywood-safe version of history. It has enough conventional film making to have audiences entertained while having enough thought behind it to make it something more than just a waste of time.




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Labels: Bill Nighy, film, Kenneth Branagh, movie review, Terrance Stamp, Tom Cruise, Tom Wilkinson

Screenwriter: Patrick O'Neill
Director: James Mangold (Cop Land)
Actors: Tom Cruise (Vanilla Sky), Cameron Diaz (The Mask), Maggie Grace (Taken), Peter Sarsgaard (Jarhead), Paul Dano (There Will Be Blood) and Viola Davis (Disturbia)

Labels: Cameron Diaz, film, movie trailer, Paul Dano, Peter Sarsgaard, Tom Cruise, Viola Davis

Short Review: This film demonstrates that just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should go through with it.


Spielberg is one of the masters of film, but this is an embarrassment. I have my expectations of Spielberg - extremely high expectations. This is a man who is literally one of the most powerful people in human history. Think of the power he has access to. He IS Hollywood. Everyone who thinks of working in the industry references him directly. He has the industry at his feet and can make nearly any movie he wishes. He has the resources available to him to satisfy any creative itch he needs to scratch. When he does produce something it is a global event. His voice is heard across the Earth each time he clears his throat.

If, as a world, we are willing to allow Spielberg to breathe this rarefied air then we must hold him to the highest standard. With his position, resources and most of all talent, he should be making Schindler’s List level films without fail. Each production stemming from this man’s decisions should be nearly perfect. Is this too high of a standard? No. We should be getting John Ford, Hitchcock or David Lean and we’re getting Michael Bay.

This film shouldn’t have been made. There is no purpose to it. We know the story and Spielberg has nothing new to add except that HE’S DOING IT. The whole production stinks of hubris. It says something about a man who would be in the opening of Austin Powers in Goldmember, holding up his Oscar as a means of showing his importance. Yeah, it’s a joke but can you honestly see yourself doing the same thing?

Here is the whole film: Tom “Sure I’m Straight, Why Does Everyone Keep Asking Me?” Cruise and the rest of the cast spend their time running from unimpressive alien machines while patching up their dysfunctional family. They run some more, they in-fight some more. People get killed then Cruise and family runs some more. Did I mention they run? The story is an exercise in transparency. You know how each scene will play out and you know how the film will end. The fate of the ship in Titanic held more surprises than this sad film. To worsen matters, the internal logic of the whole piece falls apart upon the slightest touch. The rules of the movie are set up in one scene only to be contradicted in the next. The only consistent thing about this film is young actress Dakota Fanning. Fanning is the single bright spot in the film - and I say this as someone who doesn't like Dakota Fanning - she usually irritates me to no end. Other than her convincing performance, we are left with a grand disaster of a film.

Steer clear of Cruise and Steven Spielberg’s self-congratulatory “Me” fest. They’ve made this film for themselves, let them watch it, you don’t have to.


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Labels: adaptation, Dakota Fanning, film, movie review, Steven Spielberg, Tim Robbins, Tom Cruise

This movie has had its share of troubles and rumors on top of it's changing release schedule. It looks wonderful. Strong design, compelling story, great cast. It will be interesting to see if they can keep the story moving and filled with tension even though we know how it ends. For all of you who are under thirty who went to public school I'll tip you in: Hitler was a bad man we fought a long time ago and he eventually committed suicide in a bunker in Berlin.

Berlin is a city in a country called Germany.

I'm only half kidding with the condescending tone. I mentioned Der Führer to a smart, educated young woman once - she had no idea what I was talking about. I've had more than one instance of similar encounters.






Screenwriters: Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects) and Nathan Alexander
Director: Bryan Singer (X-Men)
Actors: Tom Cruise (Vanilla Sky), Kenneth Branagh (Conspiracy), Tom Wilkerson (Michael Clayton), Terence Stamp (Superman II), Eddie Izzard (The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian), Bill Nighy (Underworld), Stephen Fry (V for Vendetta), Kevin McNally (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End) and Carice van Houten (Body of Lies)

Labels: film, Kenneth Branagh, movie trailer, Tom Cruise

Here's the latest foul deposit tugged out of Ben Stiller's cat box of comedy. Thanks to a string of coincidences a group of actors filming a war movie get caught up in a situation where they must act like soldiers. If this looks good to you just remember this was penned by Stiller who is also responsible for the cinematic blight Zoolander. This production seems to match Stiller's other offerings, a solid concept completely ruined by a lack of actually humorous jokes.

Movies about making movies are very rarely worth the effort. They are usually littered with inside jokes and shop talk and give the audience little to identify with. Maybe they'll pull this off but given Stiller's track record of making truly awful comedies, it doesn't seem very likely to me.



Screenwriter: Ben Stiller (Zoolander), Justin Theroux, and Ethan Cohen (Idiocracy)
Director: Ben Stiller (The Cable Guy)
Actors: Ben Stiller (Mystery Men), Jack Black (School of Rock), Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man), Brandon T. Jackson (Envy), Steve Coogan (Night at the Museum), Nick Nolte (Weeds), Tom Cruise (Vanilla Sky), Tobey Macquire (Spider-Man), Matthew McConaughey (Sahara), and Mickey Rooney (Baby Face Nelson)

Labels: Ben Stiller, comedy, film, Jack Black, Matthew McConaughey, movie trailer, Nick Nolte, Robert Downey Jr, Steve Coogan, Tobey Macquire, Tom Cruise

Its always painful to watch a movie that isn't nearly as clever as its creators think it is. Cameron Crowe is generally creates likable if not whimsical movies (Almost Famous, Jerry Maquire, Say Anything, Singles)...generally. This movie about a completely unlikable publisher who falls for a Spanish chick and therefore jilting a blond chick (played by Penelope Cruz and Cameron Diaz respectfully - apparently the guy is attracted to skinny girls who aren't nearly as pretty as the media wants us to believe they are) and then gets involved in a car crash which in turn sends him into this meandering surreal (read nonsensical) tour of his own psyche. Cruise tries way too hard propping up a detestable character and making his trails interesting. Cruz is typically abysmal - apparently she believes batting her big eyes is a way of developing a character arc. Cruz with her chirping voice and stilted emoting, is more a piece of furniture than an active player on screen. She's like an abstract piece of art that squeaks words when disturbed.

This a true cinematic disaster. Cruise struggles through every scene with a desperate performance that easily stands as his worst on screen effort. The script by Alejandro Amenabar and Mateo Gil (for their original version of the film Abre Los Ojos) is disjointed and contains a disappointing resolution. The disappointment at the end is probably the biggest emotion that the viewer will be allowed by this vapid work.

As a rule, films with surreal elements tend to be haughty and self-interested affairs. This movie fits this mold and has the additional curse of not having a point. The whole affair is reminiscent of Cruise's semi-public, private relationships - tons of emotional straining, strange statements and actions delivered through disturbingly contrived dramatics all leading to a resolution that is messy and deeply embarrassing for everyone involved.


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Labels: Cameron Crowe, Cameron Diaz, film, movie review, Penelope Cruz, Tom Cruise