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May 27, 2010
Mission Impossible III (2006)
Should I see it?
No.


Short Review:
The media reports of Tom Cruise’s kid’s feces being bronzed may be in error. As it turns out, it may have actually been the shooting script for this film.


There are two big issues with this Tom Cruise movie:

1. Tom Cruise
2. The movie

My issue with Cruise is that he is Tom Cruise in nearly every movie he appears in. He is not an actor. He is a personality. I'm not a fan of personalities.

Looking beyond Cruise, which normally involves simply standing up, you will find
Alias and Lost creator JJ Abrams at the helm of this project. This was his first feature film. I enjoy Abrams’ television work. His shows are vacuous and embarrassingly simple. His characters are emotional single-line caricatures but are given enough clever flints of dialog to make them likable. His shows are what they intend to be, disposable yet addictive fluff.

This film is just as disposable as Abrams' TV work. The difference is that this film actually prompts you to throw it away.

Where Abrams’ Alias can get you to suspend your disbelief so you’ll buy that Jennifer Garner can smuggle a XM8 Lightweight Assault Rifle in her camisole, his big fat McMovie can’t get beyond its own bloated subplots. This whole film is one big Alias episode without the benefit of Garner’s charm or Kevin Weisman’s (Marhsall Finkman) humor. Abrams goes so far as to insert, for no reason, Greg Grunberg (Alias’ Eric Weiss) into the first act. This would be like Leonard Nimoy striking it out on his own back in the 70’s but refusing to take off his pointy ears.

Absent the distraction of Jennifer Garner in a body sock shooting a TM-203 Grenade Launcher, Abrams' adoration of cheesy scripting is made just that much more obvious.

If you haven’t seen the film you may want to stop reading, I’m about to spoil the works. Although now that I consider my warning, I'm not sure that's really possible. Can you spoil trash?

The central point of the film is that super-spy Ethan Hunt tries to prove to himself (and others) that he can have a normal life with a wife and the whole shebang. All of this is wrapped up in a muddled plot which pushes Hunt to obtain “The Rabbit’s Foot”. This is currently in the pudgy hands of bad guy arms dealer Owen Davian (Philip Seymour Hoffman). Yes, the villain’s name is really Owen. Owen. " Oh, no here comes Owen." "I'm so scared of Owen!" Why not Karl, or perhaps Irwin?

“The Rabbit’s Foot” is a toxin Owen is looking to sell to bigger badder guys. Actually, we’re never told what “The Rabbit’s Foot” is and why we should care. For that matter, we’re not given the identity of the bigger badder guys and why they're so scary. Everything is nebulous, which means they are meaningless.

Owen, while performed well by Hoffman, is not an ominous figure. Since he and Ethan aren’t the focus and the conflict between the two is not clearly established, the climatic scenes lose their wind. Any momentum found in the first act is spent by halfway through the film because Abrams is too intent on wedging in a conspiracy subplot into the piece that the film simply can’t support.


Here is a heads up for all of the big time, huge budget Hollywood goofballs; If you have a big, fat McMovie and you need to reach a broad international audience, the recipe is easy:

One clearly defined hero
One clearly defined villain (with a better villain name than Owen)
Make the villain more powerful than the hero
Give them a like goal
Let them have at it

What this does is create a firm central plot from which you can hang subplots and any other nonsense you want.


If you’re a fan of JJ Abrams’ work, stick with his small screen products. This film, while offering a few well crafted moments, will ultimately waste your time. If you’re going to do that you may as well see Jennifer Garner kill a dozen guys with a flame-thrower while parachuting wearing nothing more than a teddy.


Related Reviews:
Tom Cruise movies
War of the Worlds (2005)
Vanilla Sky (2001)


Other Critic's Reviews:
Film School Rejects
Beyond Hollywood




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April 14, 2010
Movie Trailer: Leaves of Grass
Given that Tim Blake Nelson helms this production, I had high hopes. I hear Ed Norton is on board. Okay, he's got a shaky track record, not the best sign. Then the trailer comes out and at first it just looks like another "hey, dem Southerners r jus so frickin stoopid!" flick. Ed gets a chance to dress-up and play redneck. Still, I could spot some personality in the clips.

Richard Dreyfuss' overacting mug appears. Dreyfuss? Great. This guy couldn't find a good script it if was tattooed on the inside of his eyelids.

Still, Dreyfuss early career is nothing to sneeze at and he surprised me in What About Bob? and his snarling performance in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.

Then comes Susan Sarandon.

That's it! I'm tapping out. As far as I'm concerned, her presence in a production automatically reduces the product to being nothing less than sanctimonious, leftist, social engineering pap. The woman has become my cinematic kryptonite.

And I really wanted to go into this one wanting to like it, dang.



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Screenwriter: Tim Blake Nelson
Director: Tim Blake Nelson (O)
Actors: Edward Norton (American History X), Tim Blake Nelson (O'Brother Where Art Thou?), Susan Sarandon (Dead Man Walking), Keri Russell (We Were Soldiers) and Richard Dreyfuss (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead)





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February 12, 2010
Movie Trailer: Extraordinary Measures
That's how science works. If you throw enough money at it, it all gets figured out.

Old Indy may save the kids from dying from disease but there ain't no cure for schmaltz.






Screenwriter: Robert Nelson Jacobs (The Water Horse)
Director: Tom Vaughn
Actors: Harrison Ford (Raiders of the Lost Ark), Brendan Fraser (Bedazzled), Keri Russell (Waitress), Courtney B. Vance (Hamburger Hill), Dee Wallace (Critters), Alan Ruck (Ferris Bueller's Day Off) and Patrick Bauchau (The Rapture)




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October 4, 2008
Movie Trailer: Bedtime Stories
More uninspired Adam Sandler bunk. He's put out so many mediocre films I think of him as our generation's Dan Ackroyd - should be better but his presence almost guaranties a bad product.


Click to view the trailer



Screenwriters: Matt Lopez and Tim Herlihy (Mr. Deeds)
Director: Adam Shankman (Hairspray)
Actors: Adam Sandler (Click), Keri Russell (August Ruh), Guy Pearce (Memento), Courtney Cox (The Longest Yard), Aisha Tyler (Balls of Fury), Jonathan Pryce (Brazil) and Teresa Palmer (The Grudge 2)

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