Short Review: This film goes over as good as jalapeño dip at a burn center.


Widely considered not to be the greatest actor of his generation, Keanu Reeves remains the poster child for Hollywood’s lowered requirements for fame. His performance in his film is so singularly horrid it boggles my simple mind. It is as if they made a movie from his rehearsals for The Matrix sequels. Yet I have to admit that to complain that he is stiff and poorly executes his lines is like complaining that the ocean is moist - these are the base elements of his professional existence.

Honestly, it is stunning that in a film about Hell, the most frightening thing in it is Keanu’s elocution. There were times when I actually had to stop the film and play it with subtitles to understand what Keanu was saying. Marlon Brando whispering with a mouthful of cottage cheese spoke more clearly than this mush mouth.

How does he get work? To answer my own question, he gets work because he puts butts in seats. This begs the question, what is wrong with these butts?

I should focus more on the movie itself.

When you see dogs sniffing one another, they’re actually checking to make sure the other dog doesn’t carry the stench of this film. This flick is truly that awful. It is a grand, brilliant gem of vile stupidity.

This dirty little ditty is based on the Hellblazer comic books. John Constantine (barely played by Keanu) has the gift of exorcism. He kicks demons back to Hell for a living and…what am I doing? I just spent more time explaining the plot than the filmmakers do in the film. The story is about a guy and some demons. The details are in there someplace but no one has bothered to unearth them as of yet.

I urge you NOT to see this film if you have any theological bent to you at all. This is a heretical piece. I do not make that claim lightly. At every turn this film dismisses the Christian faith while embracing its symbols for its own devices. This is a celebration of demonic imagery and humanistic, new age jawboning. If you have any faith in you at all, this movie will turn your stomach. My long-suffering wife, who is particularly sensitive to such displays of disrespect, was yelling at the screen so much that by the time the credits rolled she was sounding like Nick Nolte after a couple of packs of Pall Malls.

Steer clear of this movie and hopefully it and its filmmakers will eventually go away. I sincerely hope the filmmakers come around and realize the insulting work they have done here and look for forgiveness – from God for spitting on him and from the audience for asking us to watch.


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Labels: Djimon Hounsou, film, Keanu Reeves, movie review, Peter Stormare, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Tilda Winton

Peter Jackson personally bought the rights to the novel, so we can assume he made this as a labor of love. I'm mixed on what I'm seeing. While it is certainly pretty but the source work is dark and incredibly devoid of any theology. Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan), a teenage girl, is raped and murdered. Her body is dismembered and hidden by her killer. Susie's soul watches the events that follow her death from her "personal heaven". She narrates as her family suffers grief and the long search for her killer continues.

For a tale that centers on a character who is dead and watches from the afterlife THAT AVOIDS THE ISSUE OF GOD is a huge cop out. I understand this isn't a treatise on God but to not even broach the subject? Its like having a story take place in the White House and avoiding the subject of the Presidency.

I'm willing to give Jackson the benefit of the doubt. Although his casting of Mark Wahlberg is puzzling. Weren't there any actors available for the role?







Screenwriters: Fran Walsh (King Kong), Philippa Boyens (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers) and Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)
Director: Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
Actors: Saoirse Ronan (Atonement), Mark Wahlberg (The Happening), Rachel Weisz (The Mummy), Stanley Tucci (The Devil Wears Prada) and Susan Sarandon (Bull Durham)

Labels: adaptation, film, Mark Wahlberg, movie trailer, Peter Jackson, Rachel Weisz, Saoirse Ronan, Stanley Tucci, Susan Sarandon

Screenwriter: Darren Aronofsky (Requiem for a Dream)
Director: Darren Aronofsky (Pi)
Actors: Hugh Jackman (X-Men), Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardner) and Ellen Burstyn (The Spitfire Grill)

Labels: Darren Aronofsky, film, Hugh Jackman, movie trailer, Rachel Weisz

Screenwriter: Rian Johnson (Brick)
Director: Rian Johnson
Actors: Adrien Brody (The Piano), Rachel Weisz (The Mummy), Mark Ruffalo (Zodiac), and Robbie Coltrane (Van Helsing)

Labels: Adrien Brody, film, Mark Ruffalo, movie trailer, Rachel Weisz

This half baked follow up to The Mummy is a complete waste of time. Having nothing to say after the initial hit film, this flick languishes and finally stumbles into a brainless string of boring chase scenes. There is no cause to see this useless sequel.


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Labels: Brendan Fraser, Dwayne Johnson, film, movie review, Rachel Weisz

Big, stupid and fun, this snickering revisiting of the mummy legend is a fun flick. Brendan Fraser is perfectly cast as a hero in this less than serious action film. The special effects are good but nothing too special. Clever dialog, a fast pace and the introduction of Rachel Weiss and John Hannah give this piece life.


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Labels: Brendan Fraser, film, movie review, Rachel Weisz

Short Review: This film goes over as good as jalapeño dip at a burn center.


Widely considered not to be the greatest actor of his generation, Keanu Reeves remains the poster boy for Hollywood’s lower requirements for fame. His performance in his film is so singularly horrid it boggles my simple mind. It is as if they made a movie from his rehearsals for The Matrix sequels.To complain that he is stiff and poorly executes his lines is like complaining that the ocean is moist.

This man is to acting what Mr. Rosie O’Donnell is to underwear modeling. It is stunning that in a film about Hell, the most frightening thing in it is Keanu’s elocution. There were times when I actually had to (and I am not joking) stop the film and play it with subtitles to understand what Keanu was saying. Marlon Brando whispering with a mouthful of cottage cheese spoke more clearly than this mush mouth.

I should get to the movie.

When you see dogs sniffing one another, they’re actually checking to make sure the other dog doesn’t have the stench of this film on it. This thing is truly awful. It is a grand, brilliant gem of vile stupidity.

This dirty little ditty is based on the Hellblazer comic books. John Constantine (barely played by Keanu) has the gift of exorcism. He kicks demons back to Hell for a living and…what am I doing? I just spent more time explaining the plot than the filmmakers do in the film. The story is about a guy and some demons. The details are in there someplace but no one has bothered to unearth them as of yet.

I urge you NOT to see this film if you have any theological bent to you at all. This is a heretical piece. I do not make that claim lightly. At every turn this film dismisses the Christian faith while embracing its symbols for its own uses. This is a celebration of demonic imagery and humanistic, new age jawboning. If you have any faith in you at all, this movie will turn your stomach. My long-suffering wife, who is particularly sensitive to such displays of disrespect, was yelling at the screen so much that by the time the credits rolled she was sounding like Nick Nolte after a couple of packs of Pall Malls.

I could continue to trash this film but it doesn’t deserve my effort. Steer clear of this movie and hopefully it and its filmmakers will eventually go away. I sincerely hope the filmmakers come around and realize the insulting work they have made and look for forgiveness from God for spitting on him and from the audience for asking us to watch.


Related Reviews:
Keanu Reeves movies
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
The Devil's Advocate (1997)


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Roger Ebert
Strong Opinion

Labels: anti-Christian, Djimon Hounsou, film, Keanu Reeves, movie review, Peter Stormare, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf