Short Review: This film goes over as good as jalapeño dip at a burn center.


Widely considered not to be the greatest actor of his generation, Keanu Reeves remains the poster child for Hollywood’s lowered requirements for fame. His performance in his film is so singularly horrid it boggles my simple mind. It is as if they made a movie from his rehearsals for The Matrix sequels. Yet I have to admit that to complain that he is stiff and poorly executes his lines is like complaining that the ocean is moist - these are the base elements of his professional existence.

Honestly, it is stunning that in a film about Hell, the most frightening thing in it is Keanu’s elocution. There were times when I actually had to stop the film and play it with subtitles to understand what Keanu was saying. Marlon Brando whispering with a mouthful of cottage cheese spoke more clearly than this mush mouth.

How does he get work? To answer my own question, he gets work because he puts butts in seats. This begs the question, what is wrong with these butts?

I should focus more on the movie itself.

When you see dogs sniffing one another, they’re actually checking to make sure the other dog doesn’t carry the stench of this film. This flick is truly that awful. It is a grand, brilliant gem of vile stupidity.

This dirty little ditty is based on the Hellblazer comic books. John Constantine (barely played by Keanu) has the gift of exorcism. He kicks demons back to Hell for a living and…what am I doing? I just spent more time explaining the plot than the filmmakers do in the film. The story is about a guy and some demons. The details are in there someplace but no one has bothered to unearth them as of yet.

I urge you NOT to see this film if you have any theological bent to you at all. This is a heretical piece. I do not make that claim lightly. At every turn this film dismisses the Christian faith while embracing its symbols for its own devices. This is a celebration of demonic imagery and humanistic, new age jawboning. If you have any faith in you at all, this movie will turn your stomach. My long-suffering wife, who is particularly sensitive to such displays of disrespect, was yelling at the screen so much that by the time the credits rolled she was sounding like Nick Nolte after a couple of packs of Pall Malls.

Steer clear of this movie and hopefully it and its filmmakers will eventually go away. I sincerely hope the filmmakers come around and realize the insulting work they have done here and look for forgiveness – from God for spitting on him and from the audience for asking us to watch.


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Labels: Djimon Hounsou, film, Keanu Reeves, movie review, Peter Stormare, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Tilda Winton

Terry Gilliam is a brilliant designer. In most cases, he's a miserable director. His films a stuffed with visual goodies, and quirky performances, but they are completely lacking in any emotion or humanity. His films rarely investigate anything meaningful, instead they chase down esoteric philosophical points or overly complex plot situations. Gilliam is capable of some very good moments, but his overall body of work is over-hyped by people who confuse interesting with meaningful.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus tells the tale of the titular Dr. Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) who runs a theater troupe that travels London. Parnassus has made a deal with the devil (portrayed by Tom Waits) and has a wager to snare or save five souls. The ante? Parnassus' daughter Valentina (Lily Cole).

Patrons are lured into a mirror onstage, behind which they enter into a supernatural world where their morality is tested and they find pleasure or damnation.

The goofy plot provides Gilliam with plenty of canvas on which to apply his visual flair. The plot unfortunately also gets easily convoluted. Gilliam makes the error of presenting the universe of Parnassus without explaining the details early on. Instead, Gilliam loads the first half of the film with fantastic, but obscure imagery and scenes without explaining what is going on in a logical fashion. The average audience member will most likely tune out of the film before the plot's hook is revealed. For those willing to hang on, the explanation seems more like a cobbled together excuse than a intentional narrative.

The film had a short cinematic shelf life. It would have been completely ignored, like many of Gilliam's other films, if it were not for Heath Ledger's untimely death.

Ledger was working on this film at the time of his drug-induced passing. To complete the film, Gilliam introduced a cheesy element where Ledger's character Tony transforms into different physical forms. This permitted Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell to step in and complete Ledger's scenes.

The inclusion of these other actors is conspicuous. These scenes are also, mostly, unnecessary. The added actors are put into scenes where they deal with surreal chase sequences and conflicts. They all give stunted performances Their disconnect with the material is clearly seen in their work.

Ultimately this is a disjointed and unemotional film. Gilliam may have the ability to create quirky and strange designs but he has always flounder giving them any humanity.




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Click here to buy your copy of
You Are What You See and learn
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Labels: Andrew Garfield, Christopher Plummer, Colin Farrell, Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Lily Cole, Peter Stormare, Terry Gilliam, Tom Waits

Like all Gilliam's films this is visually overwhelming.

Hopefully, unlike many of Gilliam's films, this will be watchable.





Screenwriters: Terry Gilliam (Brazil) and Charles McKeown (The Adventures of Baron Munchausen)
Director: Terry Gilliam (12 Monkeys)
Actors: Heath Ledger (The Patriot), Johnny Depp (The Libertine), Tom Waits (Domino), Jude Law (Sherlock Holmes), Andrew Garfield (Lions for Lambs), Colin Farrell (Phonebooth), Verne Troyer (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone), Christopher Plummer (Dracula 2000) and Peter Stormare (Fargo)

Labels: Christopher Plummer, Colin Farrell, film, Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, movie trailer, Peter Stormare, Terry Gilliam, Tom Waits, Verne Troyer

The face of the underground pornography business is shown in this disturbing film. Nicholas Cage is private investigator Tom Welles who gets caught up in the terrible world of porn when he is tasked to investigate if a snuff film is authentic or not. This film will stick with you and probably not in a good way. I recommend it because it shows evil for what it is without dressing it up (until the unfortunate Hollywood ending.) This one comes with a strong caution for content.

I’ll say it again; the ending is a complete disappointment. The serious topic is handled rather well with only a couple of over written scenes. The ending is pure Hollywood and feels tacked on to brings things to a comfortable close. You can skip the last fifteen minutes.


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Labels: film, James Gandolfini, Joaquin Phoenix, movie review, Nicholas Cage, Peter Stormare

Short Review: This film goes over as good as jalapeño dip at a burn center.


Widely considered not to be the greatest actor of his generation, Keanu Reeves remains the poster boy for Hollywood’s lower requirements for fame. His performance in his film is so singularly horrid it boggles my simple mind. It is as if they made a movie from his rehearsals for The Matrix sequels.To complain that he is stiff and poorly executes his lines is like complaining that the ocean is moist.

This man is to acting what Mr. Rosie O’Donnell is to underwear modeling. It is stunning that in a film about Hell, the most frightening thing in it is Keanu’s elocution. There were times when I actually had to (and I am not joking) stop the film and play it with subtitles to understand what Keanu was saying. Marlon Brando whispering with a mouthful of cottage cheese spoke more clearly than this mush mouth.

I should get to the movie.

When you see dogs sniffing one another, they’re actually checking to make sure the other dog doesn’t have the stench of this film on it. This thing is truly awful. It is a grand, brilliant gem of vile stupidity.

This dirty little ditty is based on the Hellblazer comic books. John Constantine (barely played by Keanu) has the gift of exorcism. He kicks demons back to Hell for a living and…what am I doing? I just spent more time explaining the plot than the filmmakers do in the film. The story is about a guy and some demons. The details are in there someplace but no one has bothered to unearth them as of yet.

I urge you NOT to see this film if you have any theological bent to you at all. This is a heretical piece. I do not make that claim lightly. At every turn this film dismisses the Christian faith while embracing its symbols for its own uses. This is a celebration of demonic imagery and humanistic, new age jawboning. If you have any faith in you at all, this movie will turn your stomach. My long-suffering wife, who is particularly sensitive to such displays of disrespect, was yelling at the screen so much that by the time the credits rolled she was sounding like Nick Nolte after a couple of packs of Pall Malls.

I could continue to trash this film but it doesn’t deserve my effort. Steer clear of this movie and hopefully it and its filmmakers will eventually go away. I sincerely hope the filmmakers come around and realize the insulting work they have made and look for forgiveness from God for spitting on him and from the audience for asking us to watch.


Related Reviews:
Keanu Reeves movies
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
The Devil's Advocate (1997)


Other Critic's Reviews:
Roger Ebert
Strong Opinion

Labels: anti-Christian, Djimon Hounsou, film, Keanu Reeves, movie review, Peter Stormare, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf

Screenwriter: Henry Miller, and Tom Phelan
Director: Henry Miller
Actors: Willem Dafoe (To Live and Die in L.A.), Scott Speedman (Underworld), Clea DuVall (Zodiac), and Peter Stormare (Fargo)

Labels: Clea DuVall, cops, film, movie review, Peter Stormare, Scott Speedman, serial killer, Willem Dafoe