If Robert Rodriguez, Quintin Tarantino, and I'll toss in Kevin Smith for good measure, stopped making movies today, the world would immediately become a better place. They each have been given power and praise well beyond their talents and each are a constant reminder of how low we've set the bar for the entertainment industry. To be fair, Tarantino is a legitimate talent but he has the instincts and mentality of an abused twelve-year-old boy with a box of frogs and firecrackers. Its all about the reflexive thrill of what he thinks is cool without a thought to the consequences of how he entertains himself.

Rodriguez is the real fumbler out of the bunch. His track record is one of juvenile, morally retarded stinkbombs like Sin City, Spy-Kids 3-D: Game Over, Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn. Of his works, Sin City at least had interesting visuals, although it was little more than a cinematic love letter to the low IQ set.

There, how's that for bias. Now on to the review.

I love zombie movies - love em'. I consider it a character flaw, but that's the truth. I love zombie movies and I hate - strongly hate Robert Rodriguez's abominable dip into the genre. Having this hack, this inept doofus create a zombie movie is my nightmare. Zombie flicks are stupid, brutal affairs and I didn't think it was possible to mess them up, they're so horrid how could you? This guy figures out a way to mess up a simple zombie flick.

This film's idiocy is beyond description. You almost have to watch the film to really understand how incredibly pathetic it actually is. Setting aside my distaste for Rodriguez's lack of any discernible talent, and taking this film on its own terms, it is a horrible, vile embarrassment. This is about the time the cinematic sycophants of the Gen-X loser brigade will chime in with "you just don't get it" or "hey, its a homage!" Listen, flat out, this film stinks. I understand this wasn't made to be great cinema - its supposed to be a bloodbath, gorefest with cheesy dialog and off kilter plotting, I get it. Even as a homage, its still an unwatchable circus of dumb. The only thing I can say about this film is that they got the low quality film making down, the grainy footage, scratched film, tinny audio, drifting focus, etc. The problem is that they didn't need to go to the extra effort of making this film look like a cheap piece of crap, it already succeeded just on its own.

Can't we please get a restraining order out to keep Rodriguez one hundred feet from any production meetings or film sets?


UPDATE: Zee, a patient reader, has noted that I avoid specifics in this review. She's points out that I claim that it's horrible but never explain how.

Fair criticism. Here we go:

Okay, before I get into this, I want to state upfront that yes, I understand clearly this was meant to be cheap, I get it. Even allowing for that, it still stinks.

Reasons Why Planet Terror is horrible and should be removed from society:

1. The various narrative parts don't match or flow. Even considering that the film was supposed to be poorly written, the disjointed storyline failed to build and simply limps along.

2. The film doesn't parody or mock the cheap films it's attempting to recall - it simply apes them neither adding to their cheesy charm nor does it fully mock them for their stupidity. In essence this is a painter making an awful knockoff of velvet paintings but ending up with nothing but another ugly velvet painting in the end. By not mocking the form or improving on their camp value, this whole production loses any point it may have had.

3. This movie really is nothing more than an effort to replicate crap cinema but here it still fails. The point is the poor and gratuitous use of blood and gore. This easy thrill should carry the movie - the gore is sloppy and uninteresting - even taken as pure camp the buckets of blood are so childishly handled and quickly become boring.

4. Again the gore - even taken for it's gross out factor it doesn't work. The elements that are there simply to be disgusting aren't.

5. The casting of Rose McGowan was a huge mistake. Yes, she can play role of a stripper with ease but anything more than basic emoting is beyond her skills. She can snarl her lines and shake her goods but that's about it. It's also a little distracting to think that all of the unneeded lingering shots of her butt, chest and legs were shot by her boyfriend. Is there anything more pathetic than a guy hiring his girlfriend?

6. The casting of Freddy Rodríguez was a huge mistake. He's supposed to be a tough guy but in every scene he looks like the weakest guy in the room. Tough guy lines coming out of that boyish face is almost laughable. Rodríguez lacks the confidence to back up his lines and when he spouts threats or lines establishing himself as a leader it all comes across as hollow acting.

7. Too many spokes in the wheel in regards to the number of characters and plots. Keeping in mind that this is supposed to be poorly written, the sheer mass of characters makes it impossible to really ever get into the action since the film has to swtich from scene to scene so frequenty, and does so with little regard to clairty. This isn't Shakespeare, but even cruddy student films are usually better constructed than this.

8. The ninety-five minute running time is absurd and the real reason why this thing doesn't work. This is a short film, or a string of short films, at best. By drawing the film out for so long Roderiguez has to push in so much filler it saps the movie of it's humor. Tarantino and Rodriguez let their egos get the better of them. Their ideas weren't interesting enough to fill a full length movie and they didn't have the self-restraint to see that. Edit this down to thirty minutes and you may have something...but that something still probably wouldn't be worth sitting through.

I hope this clarifies my opinion. Any time I get too wrapped up in beating up on something and forget to mention why, feel free to call me on it. Thanks to Zee for speaking up and keeping me honest.


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Zombie movies
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
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Labels: Bruce Willis, film, Josh Brolin, movie review, Robert Rodriguez, Rose McGowan, zombie

At first glance this appears to be a fawning ode to a gay politician made purely for the sake of political correctness. While this cynicism, if you're inclined towards it, would be grounded in a natural reaction to how the entertainment industry works, I would advise to give the story a close inspection. Yes, this is a film about the first openly political in California, Harvey Milk. Yes, it will be fawning and present Milk as a wonderful man and will most likely avoid displaying his flaws. Milk is a martyr for the gay movement and the reason this film found funding is obvious. The story isn't without merit however. Harvey Milk's story is a fascinating one and his life and death had repercussions for the nation on both political and legal grounds. The building confrontations with democrat Dan White, who murdered Milk and San Francisco Mayor George Moscone is rich with drama and will probably make for a good film. There is an agenda here but there is also a compelling story to be told.





Screenwriter: Dustin Lance Black
Director: Gus Van Sant (Finding Forrester)
Actors: Sean Penn (The Assassination of Richard Nixon), Emile Hirsch (Speed Racer), James Franco (Annapolis) and Josh Brolin (American Gangster)

Labels: Emile Hirsch, film, James Franco, Josh Brolin, movie trailer, Sean Penn

Screenwriters: Stanley Weiser (Wall Street)
Director: Oliver Stone (JFK)
Actors: Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men), Elizabeth Banks (Zack and Miri Make a Porno), Ioan Gruffudd (Amazing Grace), Thandie Newton (The Pursuit of Happyness), and Ellen Burstyn (The Fountain),

Labels: Elizabeth Banks, Ellen Burstyn, film, Ioan Gruffudd, Josh Brolin, movie trailer, Thandie Newton

Christian Bale has an excellent track record for picking well developed productions that are worth the while. The idea of another Terminator film following the disappointing Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines didn't seem like a great idea. Bale's inclusion and this trailer make me want to forget that they're trying to revive this franchise instead of pumping investments into something fresh and original.

I guess we'll have to be satisfied that if the suits at the studio don't want to bother themselves with the risk of backing smaller but inventive films, they're at least making their safe, known commodities as compelling as possible.





Screenwriter: John D. Brancato (Catwoman), and Michael Ferris (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)
Director: McG (We Are Marshall)
Actors: Christian Bale (The Dark Knight), Common (Smokin' Aces), Bryce Dallas Howard (The Village), Helena Bonham Carter (Fight Club), and Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men)

Labels: Bryce Dallas Howard, Christian Bale, Common, film, Helena Bonham Carter, Josh Brolin, movie trailer

Short Review: Great until the final act and then it gets very muddled. It’s like getting great, scenic directions to grandma’s house but once you get there, instead of seeing Grandma’s house, you’re left parked in front of a closed down petting zoo that is being used to hold practices for the local bomb squad. Sure it’s interesting but didn’t someone promise we’re going to grandma’s?


The Coen Brothers' intricate film is beautifully shot, and eloquently written film but it is also marred by their tendency towards self indulgence. They are simply the worst at ending their movies. Their final acts almost always descend into strange musings that are incompatible with the rest of the story. I contend the reason they tend to flounder is because they’re not actually telling stories, they’re describing people. They get so involved in their characters that they forget to propel their narrative into a resolvable direction. In the case of this film, they frankly abandon telling the story and wander off to investigate the ethical issues that curse their characters. It's a little like seeing someone works on a complicated mathematical problem on a chalkboard, only to have them wipe the slate clean before giving you the sum and then begin working on a related problem. If you’re into closure or traditional endings, this film will leave you wanting.

Even with its stuttering resolution, this is a remarkable piece of cinema. It is clearly deserving of all of the awards and praised it has received. Every aspect of the film is masterfully handled and shows a dedication to intricate filmmaking that is a pleasure to witness. The story revolves around three men. Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin), a gruff welder, stumbles across the results of a drug deal gone bad in the desert. From this he discovers and keeps a case containing two million dollars. He takes it home to his simple wife Carla (Kelly MacDonald). It isn’t long before the menacing killer Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem, in an Oscar winning performance) arrives in the area, looking to get the lost loot. Chigurh, with a devil’s smile and a patient, yet frightening, tone tracks down Moss across Texas. He gives the feeling of being supernatural, a symbol more than a man, more on that in a bit. As Chigurh pursues Moss, the killer…well, kills. He leaves a trail of dead hotel clerks, criminals and random people on the road. On this trail, old, crusty sheriff Ed Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones) struggles to make sense out of the nonsensical deaths caused by Chigurh’s efforts. This may not seem like a foundation for a great film. In many cases, the story itself is rather pedestrian. Where this movie strikes its cord is in character and in the choices made by the Coens.

This is one of the best character pieces made in recent memory. It is a rare thing to be presented with characters so intensely interesting that there’s a sense of loss when long scenes of dialog end. I wanted to see more about these people, learn more about them. This careful character construction makes the confrontations more tense since the audience is involved on both ends of the fight. When Moss and Chigurh finally meet and fight, I found myself hoping for a draw so the film could continue. I can’t think of the last time this has happened.

This is a fantastic movie that I cannot recommend it highly enough. You have two master filmmakers at the height of their skills working with a cast that meets the high expectations of a brilliant script. What more could you ask for?

Click below to view the trailer

Cautions: This is an incredibly violent movie. It is a study of evil and that evil is expressed in blood. This sanguine film doesn’t push the gore to an unreasonable level and the violence, while quite rough, is handled with respect. It’s not there for the sake of showing something exciting; it goes to build the story. In other words, it’s excusable. This said, it is important for those who are sensitive to seeing violent images to be forewarned that this film is loaded with brutal killings.


Worldview: The film is a search for structure (read God) in this seemingly random world. Two of the main characters, Ed Tom Bell and Anton Chigurh struggle with meaning in different ways. Sheriff Ed Tom Bell tries to think his way to an explanation. He sees the results of men’s dark hearts and the disconnected path of violence. Confronted with this, Bell attempts to keep order and attempts to reason. He fails and ultimately gives up the cause by saying “I always figured when I got older, God would sorta come into my life somehow. And he didn't. I don't blame him. If I was him I would have the same opinion of me that he does.”

Anton Chigurh himself is a remorseless killing machine. In a sense he is much like The Terminator since once he begins on a path to kill someone he does not stop until the task is done. At one point however, a fellow killer says of Chigurh when Moss says he will make a deal with the killer “You don't understand. You can't make a deal with him. Even if you gave him the money he'd still kill you. He's a peculiar man. You could even say that he has principles. Principles that transcend money or drugs or anything like that. He's not like you. He's not even like me.” Chicurh, acts as a grim reaper, slowly but surely coming to claim each soul. He is lost, however, in a meaningless world of death. Casually peddles death seems to be a way for him to define certainty in a strange way. In the film’s best scene, Chicurh confronts a dim-eyed shop owner and has the man call a flipped coin. If the man wins, he lives, if he loses, Chigurh will kill him. Chigurh states about the 1958 coin “It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.” The coin, fate (God) decides the outcome to this man’s life, not Chigurh. He never makes the jump that it is his choice whether to kill or not. He doesn’t recognize that it is not fate but rather his choice to flip the coin in the first place which defines him. God may put him in the situation, but his reaction to it is the key. At the end of the film, and if you haven’t seen the film please stop here because I’m going to give away important parts of the plot, Moss’ wife Carla confronts Chigurh face to face. Chigurh, in a moment of mercy, allows her the flip of a coin to decide her fate.

Carla Jean Moss: You don't have to do this.
Anton Chigurh: [smiles] People always say the same thing.
Carla Jean Moss: What do they say?
Anton Chigurh: They say, "You don't have to do this."
Carla Jean Moss: You don't.
Anton Chigurh: Okay.
[Chigurh flips a coin and covers it with his hand]
Anton Chigurh: This is the best I can do. Call it.
Carla Jean Moss: I knowed you was crazy when I saw you sitting there. I knowed exactly what was in store for me.
Anton Chigurh: Call it.
Carla Jean Moss: No. I ain't gonna call it.
Anton Chigurh: Call it.
Carla Jean Moss: The coin don't have no say. It's just you.
Anton Chigurh: Well, I got here the same way the coin did.

Carla demands Chigurh acknowledge his freewill, his culpability in her murder, in all of his murders. He can’t make the leap, if he comes to admit his actions are of his own making, he is then guilty, an active player in this world and not some random device. Earlier in the film he refers to himself as a “perfect tool for the job”, the job being to kill another person. Chigurh finds his heels stuck in the swamp of a completely fate based world. If man is directed completely by fate then he is nothing more than a tool, a mere function. With freewill, choice, man ignites the sometimes terrible consequence of randomness on the world but he can also be judged for the decisions he makes.


Related Reviews:
Coen Brothers movies
Miller's Crossing (1990)
Intolerable Cruelty (2003)
The Ladykillers (2004)


Other Critic's Reviews:
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Labels: adaptation, Coen Brothers, hitman, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin, movie review, Tommy Lee Jones, Woody Harrelson

Labels: Coen Brothers, hitman, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin, movie trailer, Tommy Lee Jones, Woody Harrelson