Short Review: Quite possibly the worst adaptation of Breakfast at Tiffany's I've ever seen.


What do you want me to say? This is a remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - it is what it is. Teens gets lost. Teens find creepy country folk. Teens get sliced up by a chainsaw. Teens have their skin removed by the creepy country folk and are worn around the house like Halloween costumes. I’m not certain there’s much more that really needs to be said.

The bottom line is this, you have a question to ask yourself - is this beneath me or not? Yes, you can be entertained by films such as this. They can give a thrill and can tickle your guttural instincts. They can scare you. Fine. But at what cost do you need to be scared? You are watching images of people being sliced apart by a chainsaw, hung up on hooks, tortured. Don't think viewing this kind of thing, even when its fake, has no impact on your psyche. It does.

So the question you have when presented with a film such as this is simple: is this beneath me? Are you worth more than this? Is your time worth more than this? You have a finite amount of time and it is slipping away moment by moment and you have less of it than you know.

You are worthwhile, you have potential to do wonderful, memorable things. Why threaten that by wasting your time on junk - real poison like this? You have other things, important things, you can be doing. Why do this?

Okay, my sermon said, let's talk about this thing.

I have to admit upfront that while this is a violent movie - very violent, it is lacking in gore. The difference? People get chopped up by a chainsaw but the way it is presented focuses more on the violent act than the sanguine elements. We see Leatherface tag someone with the chainsaw but instead of getting an eyeful of gaping wounds and drooling blood, we see the puffy lining of a coat fly in the air as the sound of the chainsaw cutting is heard. It is still horrifically violent, but to give credit where it is due, it isn't sophomoric in its presentation. I know that may sound strange, especially in light of my rant above. Given the overtly psychotic sequels to the original and perverse tone of the slasher genre as a whole, this film at least makes the attempt to be somewhat within the realm of possibility...somewhat.

Before you start thinking that I’m recommending this film, let me state that I am not. Garbage in, garbage out. There is precious little reason for anyone to watch a movie having people being disemboweled by a chainsaw (unless it is to keep them from watching a Ben Stiller movie, but only as a last resort.) This is a graphic slasher film and should be avoided. That said, as slasher films go, this is one of the better ones. It has a slow build to increase the tension, as I mentioned the horror is played up and the gore is played down. This is a more mature look at the slasher genre. Which is like describing an hourly-rate hotel as "one of the higher class dumps I've stayed in."


Worldview: There is something in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies that is of note. They typify a character motif I call The American Savage. The American Savage is a dull-eyed hick who is prone to racism and violence.

The America Savage, a staple of all Stephen King stories, is a backward, dangerous ignoramus. They are the hillbillies, crackers, drifters and bubble gum chomping diner waitresses of flyover country. Think of any film where a car breaks down – chances are, the hero comes across American Savages.

As a rule the American Savage is there as a representation of the barbarism of American culture (according to those on the coasts). Most films are made by people who live and/or are from the coasts. Flyover country is a mythical place where WalMart Greeters and Hee Haw extras are made.

Often used to denigrate Americanism, conservatism or any other ism that doesn't jive with snotty coastal thinking (remember you folks from the coasts, you're living on the outskirts of the country), the American Savage motif is an easy "Us vs. Them" tool used to great effect in many films.


Related Reviews:
Horror Movie Remakes
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Amityville Horror (2005)

Other Critic's Reviews:
Reel Views
Roger Ebert




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Labels: horror, Jessica Biel, R Lee Ermet, remake

So, a bunch of 30-40 year-olds are all single despite their looking like models, being impeccably dressed and living in nice homes.

Wait, hold on...they tossed in some kids to young it up a bit.

If this interests you, you deserve what you get.




Screenwriter: Katherine Fugate
Director: Garry Marshall (Exit to Eden)
Actors: Jessica Alba (Into the Blue), Jessica Biel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Kathy Bates (Primary Colors), Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), Eric Dane (X-Men: The Last Stand), Topher Grace (Spider-Man 3), Jamie Foxx (Ray), Jennifer Garner (13 Going on 30), Patrick Dempsey (Made of Honor), Ashton Kutcher (Guess Who), Queen Latifah (Taxi), Shirley McClaine (Two Mules for Sister Sara), Julia Roberts (Charlie Wilson's War), George Lopez (Henry Poole Was Here), Taylor Swift and Larry Miller (Best in Show)

Labels: Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, film, Garry Marshall, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Julia Roberts, Kathy Bates, Larry Miller, movie trailer, Queen Latifah, Topher Grace

Its okay to be a slutty instigator as long as you have a pretty smile. Got it.

Well, at least they're married. In an anti-morality world you have to be thankful for what you can get.






Screenwriters: Stephan Elliott (Eye of the Beholder) and Sheridan Jobbins
Director: Stephan Elliott (The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert)
Actors: Jessica Biel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Ben Barnes (The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian), Kristin Scott Thomas (Life as a House) and Colin Firth (Nanny McPhee)

Labels: Ben Barnes, Colin Firth, film, Jessica Biel, Kristin Scott Thomas, movie trailer

Screenwriter: Timothy Linh Bui
Director: Timothy Linh Bui
Actors: Jessica Biel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Eddie Redmayne (The Good Shepherd), Forest Whittaker (Vantage Point), Ray Liotta (Smokin' Aces), Lisa Kudrow (P. S. I Love You), Patrick Swayze (Donnie Darko) and Kris Kristofferson (Blade)

Labels: film, Forest Whitaker, Jessica Biel, Kris Kristofferson, movie trailer, ray liotta