July 22, 2008
Ghost Rider (2007)
Should I see it?
No way.
No way.
Short Review: There are times when a film is released and it is so utterly vacuous it distinguishes itself in the cornucopia of crap known as Hollywood. It is so ugly and incapable that it warrants becoming a notable cult classic.
This isn’t one of those films. This is plain ol’ stupid.
Nicholas Cage has bad taste in movies. His films tend to be blunt, flashy affairs with paper-thin plots and characters so stupid they have to wear a helmet every time they step outside. He may be the single greatest fattener of discount DVDs bins worldwide. This outing is bad even compared to the low expectations set by Cage's reeking repertoire. Think of it, we're talking about a field that includes Guarding Tess, Captain Corelli's Mandolin and Windtalkers, and this one sticks out as the bad one.
Cage stars as Johnny Blaze a dimwit stunt man that makes a deal with the devil. This deal makes Blaze Satan’s bounty hunter...or at least I think that is what happens. The whole thing isn't explained well. Regardless, Blaze appears at night as a leather bound skeleton who’s skull is on fire. He lumbers around and hits bad guys with a chain. The name Johnny Blaze is the extent of the creative potency of this film. The whole concept, from its over arching themes to it tinest details is a laughable proposal. Given its source material in the original Marvel comic, I'm still setting bar low. Ghost Rider isn’t exactly Marvel’s A-List commodity, its more like its D-List commode.
One of the main issues with this movie is the horrid script. The dialog alone is so childish it must have been written in finger paints. The plot is likewise brainless. The story is so choppy that it reads like a transcript from a debate between two stutterers. An example is the first half of the film. This film forces us to watch a muddled opening about how Johnny becomes The Ghost Rider. This opening lasts about the first half of the film. Something that should take a few minutes stretches on for a large portion of the running time. By the time Blaze comes around to being a leather boy flamer, there's no time left to explain the whys or hows of his slavery to Satan. He simply starts on fire and gets jumped by some of the fruitiest looking demons ever put to film. No explanation of his satanic role, no self examination, nothing. Just a leather bound fireball beating up extras from The Lost Boys.
Seemingly aware of how terrible the production will end up being, Cage apparently didn't put his back into this work. Cage stumbles around the screen mumbling like a punch-drunk stoner. His dialog is littered with cheap, dime store puns about fire and being dead. Supporting him is the athletic Eva Mendes. Ms. Mendes offers a visual spark to the film but little else. This is in part to the poor writing but part is also because her line readings have the emotional punch of a 1-800 sex talk operator on her last day of work. This said, Ms. Mendes’ dead pulse performance comes across like Meryl Streep when placed against the stumbling portrayals of those playing the bad guys.
If there is any reason to see this film it is the casting of Peter Fonda as Satan. Peter Fonda as Satan? Are you kidding me. Look at this:
Hey kid, like I’m the devil and I’m gonna take your soul…say, before I get to that, do you like got any pot?
I guess it makes sense, spending eternity watching Peter Fonda trying to act ominous is a slice of hell.
Speaking of trying to act, this takes me to Wes Bentley as the Anti-Christ "Blackheart". Now, to be fair to Bentley, he’s not given much to work with here. He may be a fine actor if left to his own devices. In this sour production however, he is likewise hindered by the moronic script. To make matters worse, he is decked out like a loser trolling a food court. Look at this:
Tell me you haven’t seen this kid harassing the folks over at Orange Julius.This whole film is the result of writer/director Mark Steven Johnson (Daredevil, Elektra.) Mr. Johnson has been slinging his cinematic slop for a long time and this one smells as bad as the rest. Along with Uwe Boll and Eli Roth, Johnson has set himself aside as a particularly bad filmmaker in a professional field which has lost almost all standards. He constantly misses his mark and wastes our time. Don’t compile their bad decision making with another bad decision of your own making. Do what you can to avoid seeing this truly stupid movie.
Related Reviews:
Eva Mendez movies
Hitch (2005)
We Own the Night (2007)
Other Critic's Reviews:
A Nutshell Review
Cinemaslave
Labels: Donal Logue, film, movie review, Nicholas Cage, Peter Fonda, Sam Elliott
posted by Michelle Obama's Left Nut at 9:00 AM
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2 Comments:
the problem with Ghost Rider (and, yeah, I actually can enjoy Cage, but he was an odd choice for this character) has always been the opposite of the problem with Spider-Man. Spidey is all origin story; really no other story with Spidey in it is half as interesting as his origins, his Aunt May & Uncle Ben, his adolescent wish-fulfillment apotheosis for young male nerds everywhere. Ghost Rider is all visceral SCREW YOU to everyone who hurts you, and his "scourge of God" characterization is messed up pretty heavily by the lousy Satan/Hell/devils thematics. Unfortunately, the movie chose to focus on the origin story and a late (2000s vintage) rewrite of the Ghost Rider background; the old-school Ghost Rider that anyone who likes the character at all is really into is the heavy-metal Vengeance Stare dude, the Punisher with a flaming skull and "Ghost Riders in the Sky" theme music.
The movie gives us a little of that, and for old fans it is almost worth it. But the later crap is....crapulent.
crapulent
someone has broken out their Gore Vidal Word-a-day calender.
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