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December 31, 2009
The Pacifier (2005)
Should I see it?
Nope.


Short Review: Aptly titled - it sucked.



Vin Diesel is the steroid version of Ernest. Instead of Ernest Goes to Camp or whatnot, we now have Vin Goes Into Space (The Chronicles of Riddick), Vin Goes To Spy School (XXX) and now finally Vin Goes To The Bottom of The Barrel.

You may be thinking that since this is supposed to be a family film that my standards should be lower. I believe it should be the opposite. When filmmakers ask to spend and hour and a half with my family, they had better have their best product to show. This pathetic mess is an insult to everyone who sees it.

To make my point, look at a movie like Uncle Buck. It is the same premise with a slightly different turn. The basic story is a fish out of water watches over a gaggle of kids for a few days. Where Uncle Buck is human and funny, this movie is contrived and just plain stupid.

This movie eagerly rushes into its gags and propped up conflicts without bothering with that pesky characterization stuff. You’re thrown into confrontations between the thick-necked Vin and the teenage kids before you even get to know the kid’s names.

The lack of engaging characters is reason the whole piece fails so miserably. It could have survived with the lower expectations given to family movies. But since there was no attempt to draw the audience in on a gut level, there is nothing to see. This sums up my review. Move on, there’s nothing to see here.


Related Reviews:
Family movies
Whale Rider (2002)
Hometown Legend (2002)


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Shadows on the Wall
The Critical Critics







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January 20, 2009
Movie Trailer: Fast and Furious
"A lot has changed."

"You're right...I used to have a promising career. Then I made XxX and Babylon AD and now I'm stuck back here with you."


It's as if our culture is actively trying to see how stupid it can get before it completely falls apart.





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Screenwriter: Chris Morgan (Wanted)
Director: Justin Lin (Annapolis)
Actors: Vin Diesel (Saving Private Ryan), Paul Walker (Into the Blue), Michelle Rodriguez (Resident Evil), Jordana Brewster (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning) and Laz Alonso (Miracle at St. Anna)

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November 13, 2008
Find Me Guilty (2006)
Should I see it?
No.


Short Review: Praise worthy performances – a shame worthy film.

Find Me Guilty

Jack DiNorscio (Vin Diesel) is a known mobster is up on charges of conspiracy. DiNorscio and his partners in crime are party to the longest criminal court case in American history. This means it was an extremely expensive trial that spent the efforts of prosecutors, the jury, the defense lawyers and the court for over two years. All of this to nail a group of men who the prosecution insisted were involved in all sorts criminal activity. Jack, a mobster with a broad and appealing personality, decides to defend himself. As the trial lingers, Jack’s courtroom antics cause trouble for both the prosecution and the defense.

Diesel’s performance is remarkable primarily because it is Diesel giving the performance and it doesn't stink. In an obvious attempt to step away from being pigeonholed in the no-mind action films he has become known for (Pitch Black, xXx, The Fast & The Furious) Diesel manages to show he has enough talent to help out a more serious production,. He handles the comedic aspects of Jack’s personality easily. Where Diesel’s performance does best is when he is out of the courtroom or confronting a serious situation. Diesel’s transitions seamlessly from court jester to a man concerned with his own fate. I was rather surprised, I thought he was only capable of grunting and pointing. He's not going to win an Oscar, but this film should open him up to headier stuff than Babylon A.D. and The Pacifier.

Peter Dinklage also gives a believable performance as defense attorney Ben Klandis. Dinklage (The Station Agent, Elf) is at once a confident power-attorney, while also being someone dealing criminal riff raff. Much of the court case is completely out of his hands. Dinklage (buttressed by Sidney Lumet’s sharp script) plays the duality of this role with deft.

This film as a whole is very well done. The problem is that the film asks the audience to cheer for the bad guys. Again, this is a trail of mobsters and the audience is manipulated to loathe the prosecution and cheer for the mobsters to be set free. To his credit Lumet goes out of his way to make certain we understand these men on trial are murderers and thieves. To his shame he doesn’t condemn the men for their crimes.

I recommend this film is strong cautions. Like Pirates of The Caribbean, this film uses the force of personality to get the audience to embrace bad men and despise good ones. This is an entertaining and well-crafted film but be wary of its moral retardation.


Related Reviews:
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Saving Private Ryan (1998)
The Pacifier (2005)


Other Critic's Reviews:
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August 27, 2008
Movie Trailer: Fast and Furious
If you're dumb enough to watch this trailer and get excited you may as well go see it on opening night. I think it's fair to assume you won't be doing anything important.

Honestly, watch this trailer. Was there no one involved who at any time thought "geez, wouldn't they just get the trucker to stop by blocking the road instead of this incredibly complicated and life threatening plan?" I understand they want to have fancy stunts to go along with their video game soundtrack but couldn't they at least conceived something that is remotely logical?

Besides $1.4 million in gas? That's the big prize? This is gas we're talking about not uranium. Anyone who can afford to pull of a heist in the Dominican Republic and transport the fuel elsewhere can already afford to fill up their gas tanks.

This is a remarkable trailer - usually the producers hold off on all of the stupid stuff for the actual movie. They usually don't lead with their dumb foot forward.







Screenwriter: Chris Morgan (Wanted)
Director: Justin Lin (Annapolis)
Actors: Vin Diesel (Find Me Guilty), Paul Walker (Running Scared), Michelle Rodriguez (Girlfight), Jordana Brewster (The Faculty), and Laz Alonso (The Last Stand)

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July 17, 2008
Movie Trailer: Babylon A.D.
There is nothing about this trailer that is original or compelling. I can't imagine anyone wanting to see this film based on what is shown here. Vin Diesel stays within his range and portrays a slab of meat with fists. He protects a woman (Mélanie Thierry) from a cult who want to get their dirty mitts on the strange organism that lives inside of her. There's plenty of fighting, tons of shooting and every once in a while Diesel will grumble a mildly coherent line. This looks like The Chronicles of Riddick with an extra helping of ick.


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Screenwriter: Eric Besnard (The New Protocol)
Director: Mathieu Kassovitz (Gothika)
Actors: Vin Diesel (Pitch Black), Mélanie Thierry (Écorchés), Michelle Yeoh (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)


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