Short Review: It's Harry Potter for the stupid kids.


Imagine a generation so myopic and so catered to by their sycophantic parent generation that not even the Greek mythologies are interesting enough to gain their attention unless the classics are "updated" to be more like them. You don't have to imagine such a pathetic display, you're living the dream right now.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians is a successful series of books which adapts Greek mythology and places them into our time. The titular Percy (Logan Lerman) is the son of Poseidon and is sent on quests to resolve propped-up conflicts which seem to be constructed merely to send the kid out to do stuff. The whole point is that today's kids need to have these mythologies placed in our time to make them interesting enough to read. Speaking plainly, the Greek myths are dumbed down for a generation raised on Xbox and domed drinks.

The plot of this film is simple. The main character, a nerdy but affable kid, lives in an abusive home. One day he is drawn into a fantastic world and he learns of his parent's tormented past which has made him an exile from his "real" world. He also learns of his lineage which makes him the chosen hero to set things right. Many strange and powerful people and creatures know of him and come calling. Our hero is then hurried away to a secretive school for kids with his kind of talents. There he meets a girl who is strong-willed and very adept with her own talents - so much so that she is superior to our hero. He also meets competing kids who seem to be just a little untrustworthy. In the end, our hero unravels a simplistic mystery, makes new enemies and establishes himself a nice little cinematic franchise in the process. All of this hinged on the image of a lightning bolt.

Oh wait...that was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone I was describing. I got mixed up.

This is essentially the same story. Just take off Potter's glasses, remove the blemish from his forehead and you're ready to go.

Even without the production existing in the shadow of Potter, this film is a loud, FX-heavy bore. Much of the boredom is based in a rudimentary script by Craig Titley. Titley is, of course, limited by his source work and is forced to talk down to his audience. This leads to non-existent character development and peril-focused storytelling. We are introduced to Percy, his mother and his friend Grover and then shoved into the mythological world with little depth added to our initial introductions.

Titley presents a conflict in thinking. On one hand, the whole enterprise is based in the notion that the audience needs to have these mythologies updated into modern times to make them interesting enough to watch. On the other hand, Titley assumes his audience has enough working knowledge of these myths to forgo any detailed explanation or descriptions of what happens on screen. This means he has a trio of characters, who we really don't know much about (translating into us not caring about them) running into mythological creatures who have no point. A minotaur appears out of nowhere and attacks Percy. Percy stops by Medusa's home. He has a run in with the hydra. Percy stumbles from one conflict to the next looking for pearls that will allow him to survive a trip to Hades - a place that is only cursorily explained. It all just happens and we're expected to be engaged.


On top of the tumbler-like plotting, the characters are likewise presented with scant development. Percy is joined by Hermione...er, Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario). Annabeth is a mannish chick who is great with a sword, but no so hot with the acting. She offers enough masculine traits and belligerent independence, while also remaining pretty, to make her a socially acceptable female colleague. Percy is also joined by a satyr named Ron Weasley...er, Grover Underwood (Brandon T. Jackson). Grover has just the right mix of non-threatening, Will Smith urban sass to make him a socially acceptable black colleague. Percy is, of course, the porridge that the Hollywood Goldilocks likes. He's a ethically ambiguous white male with good skin and a passive personality. Other than these comfortable, fast-food commercial characterizations, the cast has little to offer other than their blocking during the fight sequences.

This is supposed to be exciting, I found myself literally yawning - and I took a nap before seeing the movie. While some may enjoy the books, I find it difficult to believe that many will enjoy the movie. It is everything a movie should avoid being: boring, tedious and derivative.

Labels: Alexandria Daddario, Brandon T Jackson, Catherine Keener, film, Jake Abel, Joe Pantoliano, Logan Lerman, movie review, Pierce Brosnan, Rosario Dawson, Sean Bean, Steve Coogan, Uma Thurman

I find it interesting how much the trailer relies on the heroic archetype to sell the movie. This is a perfect execution of how to sell a story based on the heroic journey. They establish the opening act conflicts

• Open with the normal, fertile world (shown in the opening shot of the trees)
• The conflict (read evil) enters into the clean world - via the ring
• The hero (Frodo) is told of the conflict
• He refuses
• He begins the journey and collects his allies
• End with a montage of conflicts and moments of peril with promises of strange and frightening villains.

Perfect.

Labels: Cate Blanchett, Dominic Monaghan, Elijah Wood, Ian Holm, Ian McKellen, John Rhys-Daves, Lord of the Rings, movie trailer, Orlando Bloom, Peter Jackson, Sean Astin, Sean Bean, Viggo Mortensen

Short Review: It’s more of a stinking pile.


Based on the popular video game, this volley to the low-IQ set manages some striking imagery while delivering an embarrassingly lame script. This “story” about a mother and daughter who get trapped in a strange small town that has been literally swallowed into Hell has the intellectual force of a Marilyn Manson video.

Ripping on a film based on a video game may seem needless. The bar isn’t set high in the first place. I see this trend of basing films on video games to be a scourge. Films like Doom, Final Fantasy, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Resident Evil and all Uwe Bol movies, support the content free storytelling video games have been promoting for over twenty-five years. Video games place the audience in the driver’s seat and in effect makes them the hero. This tends to be a bad thing. The reason? When one watches a movie or reads a book they have an interaction with the hero character. They experience the story through that person on page or on screen. Great heroes like Sherlock Holmes, Miss Marple, or even Rambo, for that matter, delivers us to new worlds. We experience the story through their eyes and the narrative (the story) is established through this relationship. We see the world through their point of view, their experience. We interact emotionally with this experience and learn to expect things of the hero. This is how we become attached to certain heroic figures like Indiana Jones, James Bond, Luke Skywalker, etc. They become like real people because they develop depth. Video games spoil this relationship. By placing us in the heroic role, the rest of the world of the story begins to lose its perspective. The interaction between audience and hero is critical for a story to actually complete its function – to educate. Since the relationship with the hero is our avenue into the new world, when this bond is broken we are left with a valueless and empty husk of a story. There's no emotional bond beyond fleeting moments of excitement or fright. It is the difference between saying “A ball hit the man.” when one could say “A ball hit The President of The United States.” The first sentence is bland and without content. The second sentence involves an emotional response because we have someone we can identify with (either positively or negatively) involved.

Well, we’re way out in left field aren’t we?

Back to the movie.

Since this was based on a video game, there isn’t any depth or logic. There is just its presence. There are some very stunning visual images of evil and Hell. I’ll go as far to say that some of the images are downright disturbing. But in the end they mean nothing and are not enough to make up for a story that lingers and eventually fades into a muttering mess.

There are strong anti-Christian elements to the film, some of the most openly spiteful ones I’ve seen. This said, the low nature of how Christians are displayed in this piece is as meaningless as the rest of the production. The theology, logic and structure of the movie as a whole are so sophomoric they tend to negate themselves.

My fear is that some goofy teenager is watching this crap. Firstly, because its’ bad for the brain to watch such crude and horrid imagery. Secondly, it’s a bad movie and kids need to see the beauty of life more than they need to see the bitter remnants of some jerk’s foul imagination. The lessons taught in this film would be lost on most teenage boys who would be more drawn the demonic imagery. In this they will not be disappointed. This being the case, I’d advise parents to keep the children far away from this hateful yarn.


Related Reviews:
Another video game movie
Resident Evil (1999)


Other Critic's Reviews:
The Flickering Wall
Roger Ebert

Labels: adaptation, film, movie review, Radha Mitchell, Roger Avary, Sean Bean, video game