Short Review: It's Harry Potter for the stupid kids.


Imagine a generation so myopic and so catered to by their sycophantic parent generation that not even the Greek mythologies are interesting enough to gain their attention unless the classics are "updated" to be more like them. You don't have to imagine such a pathetic display, you're living the dream right now.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians is a successful series of books which adapts Greek mythology and places them into our time. The titular Percy (Logan Lerman) is the son of Poseidon and is sent on quests to resolve propped-up conflicts which seem to be constructed merely to send the kid out to do stuff. The whole point is that today's kids need to have these mythologies placed in our time to make them interesting enough to read. Speaking plainly, the Greek myths are dumbed down for a generation raised on Xbox and domed drinks.

The plot of this film is simple. The main character, a nerdy but affable kid, lives in an abusive home. One day he is drawn into a fantastic world and he learns of his parent's tormented past which has made him an exile from his "real" world. He also learns of his lineage which makes him the chosen hero to set things right. Many strange and powerful people and creatures know of him and come calling. Our hero is then hurried away to a secretive school for kids with his kind of talents. There he meets a girl who is strong-willed and very adept with her own talents - so much so that she is superior to our hero. He also meets competing kids who seem to be just a little untrustworthy. In the end, our hero unravels a simplistic mystery, makes new enemies and establishes himself a nice little cinematic franchise in the process. All of this hinged on the image of a lightning bolt.

Oh wait...that was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone I was describing. I got mixed up.

This is essentially the same story. Just take off Potter's glasses, remove the blemish from his forehead and you're ready to go.

Even without the production existing in the shadow of Potter, this film is a loud, FX-heavy bore. Much of the boredom is based in a rudimentary script by Craig Titley. Titley is, of course, limited by his source work and is forced to talk down to his audience. This leads to non-existent character development and peril-focused storytelling. We are introduced to Percy, his mother and his friend Grover and then shoved into the mythological world with little depth added to our initial introductions.

Titley presents a conflict in thinking. On one hand, the whole enterprise is based in the notion that the audience needs to have these mythologies updated into modern times to make them interesting enough to watch. On the other hand, Titley assumes his audience has enough working knowledge of these myths to forgo any detailed explanation or descriptions of what happens on screen. This means he has a trio of characters, who we really don't know much about (translating into us not caring about them) running into mythological creatures who have no point. A minotaur appears out of nowhere and attacks Percy. Percy stops by Medusa's home. He has a run in with the hydra. Percy stumbles from one conflict to the next looking for pearls that will allow him to survive a trip to Hades - a place that is only cursorily explained. It all just happens and we're expected to be engaged.


On top of the tumbler-like plotting, the characters are likewise presented with scant development. Percy is joined by Hermione...er, Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario). Annabeth is a mannish chick who is great with a sword, but no so hot with the acting. She offers enough masculine traits and belligerent independence, while also remaining pretty, to make her a socially acceptable female colleague. Percy is also joined by a satyr named Ron Weasley...er, Grover Underwood (Brandon T. Jackson). Grover has just the right mix of non-threatening, Will Smith urban sass to make him a socially acceptable black colleague. Percy is, of course, the porridge that the Hollywood Goldilocks likes. He's a ethically ambiguous white male with good skin and a passive personality. Other than these comfortable, fast-food commercial characterizations, the cast has little to offer other than their blocking during the fight sequences.

This is supposed to be exciting, I found myself literally yawning - and I took a nap before seeing the movie. While some may enjoy the books, I find it difficult to believe that many will enjoy the movie. It is everything a movie should avoid being: boring, tedious and derivative.

Labels: Alexandria Daddario, Brandon T Jackson, Catherine Keener, film, Jake Abel, Joe Pantoliano, Logan Lerman, movie review, Pierce Brosnan, Rosario Dawson, Sean Bean, Steve Coogan, Uma Thurman