Short Review: Odd that they would name a movie after the production's target audience.



This is a calorie-ridden, cellulose gum stuffed, FD&C Yellow 5 soaked Twinkie of a movie - but not in a good way.

Action movies are action movies - they are big, loud, stupid and violent. This movie has all of those characteristics. It also has all of the now, sadly traditional action film events - the slow-motion group walk where everyone wears sunglasses and looks oh so, cool. The heroic slow-motion entry with two automatic weapons in each hand ready for a fight, the slow-motion fight sequence than suddenly speeds up to normal pace...


Now that I think about it, this film could have halved its running time if they removed the slow motion sequences.

The movie is about a group of snappy dialog prone spies/soliders/assassins/psychopaths/fashion dolls who get burned by a boss during a job in Bolivia. The crew is targeted for death during a search and destroy mission. The assassination fails and the crew disbands. They regroup when a Zoe Saldana shows up. Zoe knows who tried to kill the killers and the killers set out to kill the man who tried to kill them.

A quick side note, have you noticed that in nearly every movie Zoe Saldana has been in she is covered in a glistening oil so she looks sweaty and always romps with the white guy?

So, the team heads out and hunts down the big bad guy Max (Jason Patric). Since there is no way to make Jason Patric ominous, apparently the plan was to make his character unbelievably obnoxious. Max is perhaps the most unlikeable bad guy, not because he's violent, evil and cruel - but because he spouts pea-brained dialog and is hyper sensitive. At one point he murders a woman who is holding an umbrella over his head, because she slipped. I've pointed this out in other reviews - if you are writing a bad guy, it serves no purpose showing him being so trigger happy with his minions that he will kill one over literally nothing. The minions, out of survival, will kill the bad guy the first chance they have. The dismissive murder of an underling to show a villain's psychosis also reveals their lack of leadership skills. It breaks natural logic and heightens the stupidity of a movie. Stop doing it.

Ok, so there is a team of killers who almost get killed. They identify the guy who wanted them dead and head out kill him. I assume you can write the next sentence in this sequence. This is paint by the numbers, see it a thousand times film making - and since you've already seen this a thousand times, there is no reason to make it one thousand one. Skip this.


Related Reviews:
Zoe Saldana movies
Avatar (2009)
Star Trek (2009)


Other Critic's Reviews:
Daily Mirror
365 Cinema



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Labels: Chris Evans, Columbus Short, film, Holt McCallany, Idris Elba, Jason Patric, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie review, Peter Berg, Zoe Saldana

Short Review: It answers the question what would it be like if Superman became an undergraduate philosophy major and didn’t have the wits to know he shouldn’t take his professors seriously.



Zack Snyder’s (300, Dawn of the Dead) adaptation of Alan Moore’s Watchmen is faithful to the original which means it is overly complex and at times downright silly. In the spirit of over thinking simple things and spending way too much energy to not say a great deal, I will break this review into sections for particular audiences:



The fact that I have to write a separate review for people who haven’t read the graphic novel(s) should tell you everything you need to know. The film takes place in an alternate reality where regular humans dress up like superheroes. They don’t have super powers except one guy who is glowing blue, and walks around naked with his personal dangle flapping in the wind. The heroes in this story are different because they're mopes and don’t want to be heroic. There are plenty of conflicted people with furrowed brows and tearful eyes.

Despite the dramatics, Watchmen is one of the most visually engaging films I’ve ever seen. Visually, this is a masterful work. Even with Snyder’s love for unprompted slow motion and gimmicky shot placements, the film is brilliantly executed. If, like me, your main interest in the film is seeing the spectacle on display, you will not be disappointed.

I do warn if you have to see it read the graphic novels first or at least glance over Cinematical's Elisabeth Rappe outstanding primer to help you on your way. For most people, if you go into this film without prior knowledge you will be stuck trying to figure out why you should care. Given how hollow the film actually is, you may still be left wondering that question regardless of your prep. Either way, if you’re going to sit there and watch people being set on fire, chopped into pieces, raped and disintegrated you may want to get the back story so you can understand why.



The long standing opinion is that Watchmen is simply too knotted, too pondering to make it to the screen. This opinion is correct. The film doesn’t work. Zack Snyder was the right man for the job of adapting this to the screen but the task was simply too big. The problem is that movies are indeed different than comic books. The episodic nature of the story works fine in the panels of a graphic novel but it doesn’t translate into the language of film. Snyder is so intent on being faithful he wasn’t able to overcome this difference. When combined with his time constraints, Snyder is forced to shorthand important historical information leaving his audience to fill in too many gaps. For example, when Silk Spectre II discovers that The Comedian is her father there is no great “ah-ha!” for the audience. There is very little time spent on the relationships between the Jupiter women and The Comedian so the depth of the trio’s relationship is completely lost. The big revelation becomes a another ho-hum fact tossed on the pile.

The film also stumbles by Snyder avoiding the inclusion of the side story Tales of the Black Freighter (released separately straight to DVD) and the other insertions. These don’t go to build on the main narrative so it is understandable why he dropped them from the production. Their omission hurts because they are philosophical olios. They help construct the piece’s worldview and aid in the development of the series’ tone. In addition, without their distraction the basic flaws of the original story are plainly obvious. The presumptuousness of the plot, the thinness of the motivations and hurried actions of the characters all stand out because we can give them that much more attention. This is not a desirable attribute when your plot is so loose.

The story itself has always been problematic. In the original book it is well disguised by the sheer force of its originality and headiness. The eye candy Snyder presents can’t carry the lacking plot. The book manages to balance the competing storylines where Snyder’s film amplifies silly love triangle between Silk Spectre II, Dr. Manhattan and Night Owl II. The film is consumed by their nonsense.



With one exception, the performances are underwhelming. To defend the actors I will say the characters don’t offer them much to work with. The perfect example of this is Silk Spectre II, performed by Malin Akerman. Akerman is certainly an aesthetically pleasing choice, but the character comes across as just another poorly written female role. She’s a grown up version of a sixteen year old ninny whimpering because daddy won’t let her take out the car. Akerman doesn’t manage infuse the character with any life so she becomes a latex laden mannequin who recites dialog. Akerman is not the weakest link in the production. The lowest points all come from one singularly dismal performance. To put it plainly, Matthew Goode is bad. Goode plays Ozymandias and justly has him as snobbish and effete. He gets that much right. The performance as a whole is uninspired. Goode manages to take a complicated character and turn him into a girlish bore.

The stand out is Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. To be fair the character is the best written and has the most meat for an actor. Jackie Earle Haley exceeds expectations. I’m willing to claim that the man deserves a best supporting actor nod for his effort. He was born for the role and handles it perfectly. I cannot conceive how someone could do better.

I do not recommend viewing this film. For the average film audience member, it will likely confuse or bore. This is a very bitter, violent work that relishes the brutality. The overall messages of the film are like listening to a gaggle of depressed art students strung out on downers. There is much said but it ultimately means nothing, since when you argue the universe is meaningless then your complaint fails to have any value. You may as well go with the flow because any other action is irrational (assuming there is rationality in your stupid existential universe.) If indeed humans create their own reality and their own morality, then that’s how it is. Making a movie with a big naked blue guy crying in his beer on Mars isn’t going to change it. If everything is senseless and we're a pathetic joke then why should I sit and listen to fictional crybabies bellyache about it? What's the point?



The worldview of the film is the same as the book. Nihilism soaks every nook and cranny and the meaninglessness of the human experience is studied and explored. Heroes are false gods and the world is just a nihilistic nightmare where might make right and the mighty hate themselves for being unable to fix the situation. Moore deconstructed the hero with the intent of dismantling the superhero figure. He was successful. You can’t read the book or watch the movie without it peeling away something from the genre. His work, in my opinion, opened the doors for more deconstructions across our culture. James Bond, Batman, Star Wars, and fairy tales themselves though productions like Shrek have all been remodeled in Moore’s wake. I see these all as connected. Moore, Snyder and others tear down our heroes but don’t replace them with anything. We’ve seen this throughout American culture. We have struck down every meaningful ideal, every useful institution and attempted to rebuild it based on wispy secular whims. We've built a culture that keeps looking back instead of looking forward. Our deconstructed culture hasn’t fed us and in our starvation we’ve turned to post modern cannibalism where we regurgitate the societal milestones of earlier times and consume them once again for sustenance. We stand now with no valuable culture identity of our own. Everything in our culture today is a recycled, rehashed token from a previous era, this film included. This film brings the deconstructed, whiny superhero to life but it fails to give us anything in exchange for his demise.



For those of you who don’t know better please note – this is not Spider-man. This is an adult film dealing with adult topics very plainly. There is wall-to-wall violence and a number of the scenes are quite sexual. Then there’s that business of the big blue guy walking about with his tackle exposed. Those who are concerned about viewing brutality or sexual behavior are strongly advised to avoid this film.




Related Reviews:
Movies based on graphic novels
V for Vendetta (2005)
Sin City (2005)


Other Critic's Reviews:
SouthCon
Jim Treacher

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Friday Rewind, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Be thankful its not presented in Smell-o-Vision.

I suppose if your culture has been raped and burned by corporate thugs leaving your generation with nothing to hang its artistic hat on, it makes sense to keep looking back at a bygone era for direction. This is sad. Honoring a movement that effected the changes that led to the slaughter of untold numbers of Cambodians and Vietnamese. It's cool though, American teens got to party in the mud, so everything good, man. I'm sure they won't discuss the larger global political aspect of these useful idiots, just stick with the marketing plan and sell the music and free love.






Screenwriters: James Schamus (Hulk)
Director: Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain)
Actors: Liev Schreiber (Wolverine), Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen), Emile Hirsch (Milk), Paul Dano (There Will Be Blood), Imelda Staunton (Freedom Writers) and Eugene Levy (American Pie)

Labels: Ang Lee, Emile Hirsch, Eugene Levy, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Liev Schreiber, movie trailer, Paul Dano

Short Review: It answers the question what would it be like if Superman became an undergraduate philosophy major and didn’t have the wits to know he shouldn’t take his professors seriously.



Zack Snyder’s (300, Dawn of the Dead) adaptation of Alan Moore’s Watchmen is faithful to the original which means it is overly complex and at times downright silly. In the spirit of over thinking simple things and spending way too much energy to not say a great deal, I will break this review into sections for particular audiences:



The fact that I have to write a separate review for people who haven’t read the graphic novel(s) should tell you everything you need to know. The film takes place in an alternate reality where regular humans dress up like superheroes. They don’t have super powers except one guy who is glowing blue, and walks around naked with his personal dangle flapping in the wind. The heroes in this story are different because they're mopes and don’t want to be heroic. There are plenty of conflicted people with furrowed brows and tearful eyes.

Despite the dramatics, Watchmen is one of the most visually engaging films I’ve ever seen. Visually, this is a masterful work. Even with Snyder’s love for unprompted slow motion and gimmicky shot placements, the film is brilliantly executed. If, like me, your main interest in the film is seeing the spectacle on display, you will not be disappointed.

I do warn if you have to see it read the graphic novels first or at least glance over Cinematical's Elisabeth Rappe outstanding primer to help you on your way. For most people, if you go into this film without prior knowledge you will be stuck trying to figure out why you should care. Given how hollow the film actually is, you may still be left wondering that question regardless of your prep. Either way, if you’re going to sit there and watch people being set on fire, chopped into pieces, raped and disintegrated you may want to get the back story so you can understand why.



The long standing opinion is that Watchmen is simply too knotted, too pondering to make it to the screen. This opinion is correct. The film doesn’t work. Zack Snyder was the right man for the job of adapting this to the screen but the task was simply too big. The problem is that movies are indeed different than comic books. The episodic nature of the story works fine in the panels of a graphic novel but it doesn’t translate into the language of film. Snyder is so intent on being faithful he wasn’t able to overcome this difference. When combined with his time constraints, Snyder is forced to shorthand important historical information leaving his audience to fill in too many gaps. For example, when Silk Spectre II discovers that The Comedian is her father there is no great “ah-ha!” for the audience. There is very little time spent on the relationships between the Jupiter women and The Comedian so the depth of the trio’s relationship is completely lost. The big revelation becomes a another ho-hum fact tossed on the pile.

The film also stumbles by Snyder avoiding the inclusion of the side story Tales of the Black Freighter (released separately straight to DVD) and the other insertions. These don’t go to build on the main narrative so it is understandable why he dropped them from the production. Their omission hurts because they are philosophical olios. They help construct the piece’s worldview and aid in the development of the series’ tone. In addition, without their distraction the basic flaws of the original story are plainly obvious. The presumptuousness of the plot, the thinness of the motivations and hurried actions of the characters all stand out because we can give them that much more attention. This is not a desirable attribute when your plot is so loose.

The story itself has always been problematic. In the original book it is well disguised by the sheer force of its originality and headiness. The eye candy Snyder presents can’t carry the lacking plot. The book manages to balance the competing storylines where Snyder’s film amplifies silly love triangle between Silk Spectre II, Dr. Manhattan and Night Owl II. The film is consumed by their nonsense.



With one exception, the performances are underwhelming. To defend the actors I will say the characters don’t offer them much to work with. The perfect example of this is Silk Spectre II, performed by Malin Akerman. Akerman is certainly an aesthetically pleasing choice, but the character comes across as just another poorly written female role. She’s a grown up version of a sixteen year old ninny whimpering because daddy won’t let her take out the car. Akerman doesn’t manage infuse the character with any life so she becomes a latex laden mannequin who recites dialog. Akerman is not the weakest link in the production. The lowest points all come from one singularly dismal performance. To put it plainly, Matthew Goode is bad. Goode plays Ozymandias and justly has him as snobbish and effete. He gets that much right. The performance as a whole is uninspired. Goode manages to take a complicated character and turn him into a girlish bore.

The stand out is Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. To be fair the character is the best written and has the most meat for an actor. Jackie Earle Haley exceeds expectations. I’m willing to claim that the man deserves a best supporting actor nod for his effort. He was born for the role and handles it perfectly. I cannot conceive how someone could do better.

I do not recommend viewing this film. For the average film audience member, it will likely confuse or bore. This is a very bitter, violent work that relishes the brutality. The overall messages of the film are like listening to a gaggle of depressed art students strung out on downers. There is much said but it ultimately means nothing, since when you argue the universe is meaningless then your complaint fails to have any value. You may as well go with the flow because any other action is irrational (assuming there is rationality in your stupid existential universe.) If indeed humans create their own reality and their own morality, then that’s how it is. Making a movie with a big naked blue guy crying in his beer on Mars isn’t going to change it. If everything is senseless and we're a pathetic joke then why should I sit and listen to fictional crybabies bellyache about it? What's the point?



The worldview of the film is the same as the book. Nihilism soaks every nook and cranny and the meaninglessness of the human experience is studied and explored. Heroes are false gods and the world is just a nihilistic nightmare where might make right and the mighty hate themselves for being unable to fix the situation. Moore deconstructed the hero with the intent of dismantling the superhero figure. He was successful. You can’t read the book or watch the movie without it peeling away something from the genre. His work, in my opinion, opened the doors for more deconstructions across our culture. James Bond, Batman, Star Wars, and fairy tales themselves though productions like Shrek have all been remodeled in Moore’s wake. I see these all as connected. Moore, Snyder and others tear down our heroes but don’t replace them with anything. We’ve seen this throughout American culture. We have struck down every meaningful ideal, every useful institution and attempted to rebuild it based on wispy secular whims. We've built a culture that keeps looking back instead of looking forward. Our deconstructed culture hasn’t fed us and in our starvation we’ve turned to post modern cannibalism where we regurgitate the societal milestones of earlier times and consume them once again for sustenance. We stand now with no valuable culture identity of our own. Everything in our culture today is a recycled, rehashed token from a previous era, this film included. This film brings the deconstructed, whiny superhero to life but it fails to give us anything in exchange for his demise.



For those of you who don’t know better please note – this is not Spider-man. This is an adult film dealing with adult topics very plainly. There is wall-to-wall violence and a number of the scenes are quite sexual. Then there’s that business of the big blue guy walking about with his tackle exposed. Those who are concerned about viewing brutality or sexual behavior are strongly advised to avoid this film.




Related Reviews:
Movies based on graphic novels
V for Vendetta (2005)
Sin City (2005)


Other Critic's Reviews:
SouthCon
Jim Treacher

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriters: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriters: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriters: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriters: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriters: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriters: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriters: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriter: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

The latest Watchmen trailer has hit. They've obviously stopped pushing it directly to the fanboys and have tried to coat the thing with a comprehensible narrative. There seems to be a but of bait and switch going on here. The average person, the one's who are adults but have the sense and pride not to waste precious moments in life thumbing through comic books, er graphic novels, will see this and may be drawn in. They go in thinking they're getting Batman or Spider-Man and they're getting Naked Lunch in tights.

I'm excited to see this. I cast in the moment I heard Snyder was on board. I also want to see how the heck they're going to adapt this thing and make it watchable. The idea that this will cross over to the general public seems to be a stretch. Then again, 300 worked and blew out of the box office.



Screenwriter: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Click below to view the most recent trailer for Watchmen. I still have no idea how they're going to be able to make this into a coherent movie but it makes for one heck of an ad campaign.

Right now, this is the top of my can't wait to see list.


I showed this trailer to my long-suffering wife. When it was done she sat there and blinked.

LSW: "When is this opening?"
Me: "Uh, March..."
LSW: "I'm busy."



Screenwriter: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder

Screenwriter: David Hayter (X-Men) and Alex Tse
Director: Zack Snyder (300)
Actors: Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Kabluey), Malin Akerman (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Billy Crudup (Big Fish), Jackie Earle Haley (Semi-Pro), Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy), and Matt Frewer

Labels: adaptation, Billy Crudup, film, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, movie trailer, Zack Snyder