Short Review: Greek mythology as related by an abused teenage boy - and not a bright one at that.



Two words describe this movie:

Ridiculous

Embarrassing

This is a remake of the 1981 film of the same name which condensed and dumbed-down the tale of Perseus for modern tastes. With this effort, they didn't just dumb things down. They held it down and lobotomized it with a screwdriver and a rock.

Sam Worthington plays Perseus. Well, it's not fair to say he "plays" the role. He retains the name of Perseus and then runs around screaming while flashing the back of his thighs. That is the extent of his performance. Nearly every line is bellowed. The poor dear apparently thinks that if you yell something it equates emoting. A stupid piece of dialog said loudly is simply more clear in its stupidity.

Worthington, who most people know from his emotionally vacant performance in Avatar, is possibly the least engaging leading man of our generation. He makes Keanu Reeves seem approachable and Will Smith a versatile master of the art of acting. Worthington appeared to have come out of nowhere. One day - WHAM, the guy is in every major production of the summer. One would assume this was due to his brilliance. Nope. He's just a muscly guy who likes to announce his lines like he's trying to project over a crowd at a football game.


The story of Perseus trying to regain his humanity (he is a demi-god, born of Zeus (Liam Neeson)), is notably short on human emotion. Why? The central problem isn't Worthington, although he offers one heck of a hurdle for the audience to navigate. The script is the issue in this production. Screenwriters Travis Beacham, Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi (yes, it took three people to ruin this film), have delivered a content-free, predictable, hollow script. It isn't predictable because the tale of Perseus is known. It is predictable because every action, every turn, every event is boldly projected and executed. The scenes follow well worn action film trajectories. This makes the scenes less enjoyable, given they are without tension. Since the movie is little more than a string of perils, the lack of tension removes the one thing that could keep the audience engaged.

The story jumps from one peril to the next without much character development to glue things together. Perseus confronts Hades (Ralph Finnes) then meanders around until his zombie half-father tries to kill him, then his zombie half-father's hand turns into a giant scorpion - then bigger scorpions come then some guys who look like Tusken Radiers but not as cool show up - then they fight Medusa then they...you get the point. This is a series of events, not a story.


To make matters worse, Ralph Finnes and Liam Neeson are forced to wear costumes that make them look utterly foolish. They hung an obviously fake beard and a bulk of ultra-shiny armor on Neeson and assumed it made him look "Zeus-ish". The same goes for Finnes. He is given grubby clothes and an awkward hairline and called the job done. The two actors look like they're doing screen tests for early versions of their wardrobe. Given the dialog they have to recite, it literally feels like they're doing screen tests through much of the movie.


My final complaint, well it's not my final complaint about this movie, but it is the last one I bother with here, is about THE KRAKEN. The Kraken is talked about in hushed tones throughout the movie. It is Hades' special weapon, it is unbeatable and destroyed the Titans of old. Since the thing is talked about with such reverence by even the gods themselves, expectations that something awesome will be released at the end of the film.

"Awesome" is not the word that leaps to mind.


The Kraken is a cross between the monster from Cloverfield and the Rancor from Return of the Jedi. The Kraken turns out to be a leathery turd with fangs. Worse yet, it is a leathery turd with fangs that is subdued in mere seconds by a teeth gritting Perseus. If the dialog had been realistic at all, Perseus' first line after defeating the Kraken should have been "That's it? I don't see what everyone was making a fuss about."




Related Reviews:
Liam Neeson movies
Taken (2008)
Kinsey (2004)


Other Critic's Reviews:
A Nutshell Review
Reel Views



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Labels: film, Gemma Arterton, Liam Neeson, movie review, Ralph Fiennes, Sam Worthington

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It could just be a quirk of mine but I honestly don't see the draw of Jake Gylee...Gyllenellel...no, Gy...Gyelenhally...dang, Jake Gyllenhaalalaalaalaal, ah, screw it. Like his sister, he has very little presence on screen. For example, he played opposite Heath Ledger in that gay cowboy, er sheepherder, flick Brokeback Mountain. Now, when I was dry heaving and fumbling for the fast-forward button, it was obvious in that film which of them was the actor and which one wasn't. Ledger had presence, depth. Jake Gyllennenhell...Gel In Hall is flatter than a week old cup of Dr. Pepper.

Now, Gemma Arterton? Oh, there's plenty of presence there.

"The gods have a plan for you." Well, since there are no "gods" but only "God" whatever plan "they" have for you will probably stink.




Screenwriters: Doug Miro (The Great Raid) and Carlo Bernard (The Uninvited)
Director: Mike Newell (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
Actors: Jake Gyllenhaal (Brokeback Mountain), Gemma Atherton (Quantum of Solace), Ben Kingsley (Transsiberian) and Alfred Molina (Spider-Man 2)

Labels: Alfred Molina, Ben Kingsley, film, Gemma Arterton, Jake Glyyenhaal, movie trailer

Perseus (Sam Worthington) battles Medusa and The Kraken in order to save the beautiful Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) in this remake of the original 1981 movie.

It is visually stunning and looks like a thrill ride. That's the good news. The bad news? It is written by the same folks who gave is the unwatchable Æon Flux, a soulless, emotionally retarded mess. The other bad news? This is directed by Louis Leterrier who's big success are The Incredible Hulk and Transporter 2.

Not a good pedigree.



Screenwriters: Travis Beacham (Dog Days of Summer), Phil Hay (Æon Flux) and Matt Manfredi (Æon Flux)
Director: Louis Leterrier (The Incredible Hulk)
Actors: Sam Worthington (Avatar), Liam Neeson (Darkman), Ralph Fiennes (In Bruges), Gemma Arterton (The Quantum of Solace), Danny Huston (30 Days of Night), Pete Postlethwaite (The Usual Suspects), Nicholas Hoult (The Weather Man) and Alexa Davalos (The Mist)

Labels: Danny Huston, film, Gemma Arterton, Liam Neeson, movie trailer, Pete Postlethwaite, Ralph Fiennes, Sam Worthington

And Kenneth Branagh in the role of Dean Vernon Wormer...

Uptight Square Underling: "Sir, unwashed hippies are running a pirate radio station in international waters."
Dean Vernon Wormer: "They are? Well, as of this moment, they're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION! "









Screenwriter: Richard Curtis (Bridget Jones' Diary)
Director: Richard Curtis
Actors: Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Before the Devil Knows You're Dead), Bill Nighy (Underworld), Emma Thompson (Wit), Kenneth Branagh (Conspiracy) and Nick Frost (Hot Fuzz)

Labels: Bill Nighy, Emma Thompson, film, Gemma Arterton, Kenneth Branagh, movie trailer, Nick Frost, Philip Seymour Hoffman

Screenwriter: Guy Ritchie (Snatch)
Director: Guy Ritchie (Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels)
Actors: Gerald Butler (300), Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace), Jeremy Piven (The Kingdom), Tom Wilkinson (Michael Clayton), and Thandie Newton (Crash)

Labels: film, Gemma Arterton, Gerald Butler, Guy Ritchie, movie trailer, Thandie Newton, Tom Wilkinson