Short Review: Transformers: Result of Our Fallen Civilization



I found it amusing that director Michael Bay kept making references and reviving characters from the original Transformers as if anyone would remember the details of that cinematic Twinkie. Like the original, the outing is little more than Bay hammering you in the face with a strobe light with sparklers taped on it while blaring feedback in your ears. There is no story. The entire film is a series of set ups and special effects.

To be fair, the expectations aren’t high with something like this. It was designed to be easy to gobble, not to offer substance. It is a meal made of Doritos and Mountain Dew put on the screen. Putting logic, narrative and any self-respect aside, this film still fails on the most basic levels. It is not entertaining; nor does it ’t offer any memorable sequences or images. It is a Super Bowl Ad with a longer running time.

If you do recall the original it will suffice to say this sequel actually makes it seem clever. If you don’t remember the original, don’t worry, it’s not worth storing in your gray matter. This is a cheap film made to turn a buck and get butts in seats. It is a roller coaster ride with some cleavage and swearing thrown in. Don't bother with it.


Worldview: Not surprisingly, there is little spirituality in the film. Like most big Hollywood McMovies, the characters live in a completely Godless world.

The universe of the film is an amoral place. Shia LeBouf’s character Sam is a likable enough guy, but he’s hardly “good”. He’s a tool pushed around by the Transformer robots. Likewise the other “good” characters don’t actually do anything honorable. Their goodness comes from the fact that they don’t do anything necessarily evil. We follow them not because they are worth following, but because they’re the only ones to watch.

The morality presented in the film is clearly secular and thus nebulous. Sam’s parents grope and curse casually. Sam’s girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) slinks around dressed in tiny clothes and is apparently slathered in Crisco – anyone who is that shiny and isn’t covered in oils should probably see a doctor. The other characters also curse and drop sexual references. All of this and Michael Bay also felt the need to include crude shots of dogs humping, John Turturro ripping his pants off and flashing his bare bum at the camera and drug jokes.

The crude behavior and language may not seem out of place or upsetting to the average secular-minded audience member, but it is worth remembering this film is based on Transformers toys. The inherent audience for this film is very small children. Bay obviously has no regard for his potential audience and serves up content custom made for teens and college kids. If you have small children who are interested in seeing this film, please know that the movie is loaded with adult behavior and situations.

Bay’s lack of concern for his audience is hardly unique. It has become more and more common for movies rehashing toys and shows from the 70’s and 80’s to include shockingly crude behavior (Land of the Lost and Cat in the Hat are two good examples.) At this point it wouldn’t surprise me to learn they somehow manage to include a wet t-shirt contest into the next Scooby Doo movie.

Will the last person leaving the culture please turn off the lights?



Cautions: As mentioned above, there’s a load of cursing, adult language and behavior. There’s drug references, sexual references and a number of butt cheeks.


Related Reviews:
Michael Bay movies
Transformers (2007)
Armageddon (1998)


Other Critic’s Reviews:
Need Coffee
Picture Show Pundits

Labels: film, John Turturro, McMovie, Megan Fox, Michael Bay, movie review, Shia LaBeouf