Short Review: It’s as bombastic as it is ill conceived, which is fancy way of saying its loud and stupid.



John Cusack is in his forties and is still playing half-man schlubs who can’t manage relationships. His character Jackson Curtis is broken down, broken-hearted and just plain broke. His ex-wife Kate (Amanda Peet) has left him. His kids loathe his mere presence. In a way, this film is like seeing Better Off Dead as done by Michael Bay.

This is a horrendous film.

Awful.

Lousy.

Thankfully it is also a bloated disaster movie so it doesn’t really matter. All the film has to do is flash lights to distract from its limping plot in order to be successful. The only reason to see this film is to watch the end of the world in glorious high definition. Writer/Director Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, Godzilla, 10,000 B.C.) promises to deliver the apocalypse with as few words as possible. He delivers on his promise.

What I found amazing is that Emmerich still bothers trying to shoehorn relationship issues into the end of days. At one point Jackson and Kate have a quiet moment together. She complains that Jackson spent too much time working and not enough time with his family. They literally just watched billions of people perish, the totality of human civilization has been destroyed and she is still nagging at the poor sap. I guess we can see why things didn't work out them.

The problem with trying to pull off character development in a film like this is that once you show the USS John F. Kennedy on a tsunami wave crashing into the White House and killing the President, it's a little much to ask us to care about the gripes from John Cusack’s ex-wife.

If you are only interested in seeing crashing buildings, ridiculous plot contrivances and perilous escapes, this will be a good pick. If you have the tendency to pause while watching movies and consider how reality actually works, you will probably still enjoy it because it’s dang funny from that angle.

I laughed constantly through the film. Here is a moment which sums up the film for me. Jackson is driving a limo through Los Angeles as the city is literally falling to pieces. A building crashes down in front of him. He jumps the limo into the side of the falling building, drives the car across a floor, speeding through a business office, crashes out of a window and manages to land safely on the highway on the other side. If you can handle that level of dumb, knock yourself out.


Worldview: I was struck by Emmerich's treatment of faith. Every once in a while someone would casually mention that “its time to start praying”. Other than these passing nods to the notion that some people may or may not possibly consider asking for mercy from something that maybe perhaps might be something kinda like a God or something or who knows what, there is a remarkable absence of any real faith. The President begins to quote scripture at one point, but he is cut off before he finishes. The world is ending, billions are dying, and the only references to Jesus Christ are when characters are cursing.

Emmerich is very deliberate in his presentation of religion in this film, particularly when it comes to the destruction of iconic places. Emmerich is given credit for popularizing the destruction of landmarks in action/disaster movies. The White House being blown up in Independence Day started the trend. Destroying the White House, Washington Monument, and other landmarks serves to pervert the “Death of God Image" I’ve discussed before.

In this film, Emmerich takes the Death of God Image and runs with it. He not only shows the Christ the Redeemer Statue in Brazil crumbling, but he stops the movie cold to spend time at the Vatican. Thousands of Catholics are crowded outside of Saint Peter’s Cathedral as the Pope looks down on them from the balcony. Inside, a collection of cardinals huddle in a circle praying. As the room begins to shake they look upward to see the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel (apparently its been moved). The ceiling cracks and splits, severing the famous fingers of God and Adam. Suddenly, the Saint Peter’s Basilica plops over on its side and rolls over all of the collected Catholics killing the faithful like a big rolling pin made out of cosmic irony.

Beyond the obvious “imagine if they did this to any other group” argument, I need to point out that Emmerich goes out of his way to avoid showing large groups of people in this film. All of L.A. is destroyed but we only witness a few dozen actual deaths. The crowds that are killed on screen are shown from vast distances or are represented by focusing tightly on the fearful face of a known character.

The deaths at the Vatican are the only crowd shown killed in a specific, almost devious way. This is not by accident. Emmerich himself admits that the destruction of religious locations is intentional – in particular his choice in showing Christians getting it.


When asked about destroying Christ the Redeemer Emmerich explains,

Cautions: There's death and destruction. There's some foul language and a few instances of people taking Christ's name in vain. Beyond these infractions, there's not too much that is worth being cautioned over (regarding the content).



Once you see the film read what follows:

Two items:

Congratulations! The good news: you’ve been cast in a huge Hollywood blockbuster. The bad news: Your character arc is that you learn to stop peeing the bed at night.

So, the world’s elite are given the chance to buy a seat on the arks. In the end the world leaders come together to allow some stranded folk into their ships. This is used to show how we maintain our humanity. Yeah, about that, the stranded people are also rich elites who also bought their way onto the arks. So, other than some Chinese slaves, the survivors of humanity are all billionaires. Each have drained their resources from the rest of the world so they could comfortably survive the hell on Earth they left for everyone else. The worst of humanity gets to live. Nice message.


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Labels: Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Danny Glover, disaster movie, film, John Cusack, McMovie, movie review, Oliver Platt, Roland Emmerich, Thandie Newton, Woody Harrelson

Short Review: Transformers: Result of Our Fallen Civilization



I found it amusing that director Michael Bay kept making references and reviving characters from the original Transformers as if anyone would remember the details of that cinematic Twinkie. Like the original, the outing is little more than Bay hammering you in the face with a strobe light with sparklers taped on it while blaring feedback in your ears. There is no story. The entire film is a series of set ups and special effects.

To be fair, the expectations aren’t high with something like this. It was designed to be easy to gobble, not to offer substance. It is a meal made of Doritos and Mountain Dew put on the screen. Putting logic, narrative and any self-respect aside, this film still fails on the most basic levels. It is not entertaining; nor does it ’t offer any memorable sequences or images. It is a Super Bowl Ad with a longer running time.

If you do recall the original it will suffice to say this sequel actually makes it seem clever. If you don’t remember the original, don’t worry, it’s not worth storing in your gray matter. This is a cheap film made to turn a buck and get butts in seats. It is a roller coaster ride with some cleavage and swearing thrown in. Don't bother with it.


Worldview: Not surprisingly, there is little spirituality in the film. Like most big Hollywood McMovies, the characters live in a completely Godless world.

The universe of the film is an amoral place. Shia LeBouf’s character Sam is a likable enough guy, but he’s hardly “good”. He’s a tool pushed around by the Transformer robots. Likewise the other “good” characters don’t actually do anything honorable. Their goodness comes from the fact that they don’t do anything necessarily evil. We follow them not because they are worth following, but because they’re the only ones to watch.

The morality presented in the film is clearly secular and thus nebulous. Sam’s parents grope and curse casually. Sam’s girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) slinks around dressed in tiny clothes and is apparently slathered in Crisco – anyone who is that shiny and isn’t covered in oils should probably see a doctor. The other characters also curse and drop sexual references. All of this and Michael Bay also felt the need to include crude shots of dogs humping, John Turturro ripping his pants off and flashing his bare bum at the camera and drug jokes.

The crude behavior and language may not seem out of place or upsetting to the average secular-minded audience member, but it is worth remembering this film is based on Transformers toys. The inherent audience for this film is very small children. Bay obviously has no regard for his potential audience and serves up content custom made for teens and college kids. If you have small children who are interested in seeing this film, please know that the movie is loaded with adult behavior and situations.

Bay’s lack of concern for his audience is hardly unique. It has become more and more common for movies rehashing toys and shows from the 70’s and 80’s to include shockingly crude behavior (Land of the Lost and Cat in the Hat are two good examples.) At this point it wouldn’t surprise me to learn they somehow manage to include a wet t-shirt contest into the next Scooby Doo movie.

Will the last person leaving the culture please turn off the lights?



Cautions: As mentioned above, there’s a load of cursing, adult language and behavior. There’s drug references, sexual references and a number of butt cheeks.


Related Reviews:
Michael Bay movies
Transformers (2007)
Armageddon (1998)


Other Critic’s Reviews:
Need Coffee
Picture Show Pundits

Labels: film, John Turturro, McMovie, Megan Fox, Michael Bay, movie review, Shia LaBeouf

Short Review: It’s as bombastic as it is ill conceived, which is fancy way of saying its loud and stupid.



John Cusack is in his forties and is still playing half-man schlubs who can’t manage relationships. His character Jackson Curtis is broken down, broken-hearted and just plain broke. His ex-wife Kate (Amanda Peet) has left him. His kids loathe his mere presence. In a way, this film is like seeing Better Off Dead as done by Michael Bay.

This is a horrendous film.

Awful.

Lousy.

Thankfully it is also a bloated disaster movie so it doesn’t really matter. All the film has to do is flash lights to distract from its limping plot in order to be successful. The only reason to see this film is to watch the end of the world in glorious high definition. Writer/Director Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, Godzilla, 10,000 B.C.) promises to deliver the apocalypse with as few words as possible. He delivers on his promise.

What I found amazing is that Emmerich still bothers trying to shoehorn relationship issues into the end of days. At one point Jackson and Kate have a quiet moment together. She complains that Jackson spent too much time working and not enough time with his family. They literally just watched billions of people perish, the totality of human civilization has been destroyed and she is still nagging at the poor sap. I guess we can see why things didn't work out them.

The problem with trying to pull off character development in a film like this is that once you show the USS John F. Kennedy on a tsunami wave crashing into the White House and killing the President, it's a little much to ask us to care about the gripes from John Cusack’s ex-wife.

If you are only interested in seeing crashing buildings, ridiculous plot contrivances and perilous escapes, this will be a good pick. If you have the tendency to pause while watching movies and consider how reality actually works, you will probably still enjoy it because it’s dang funny from that angle.

I laughed constantly through the film. Here is a moment which sums up the film for me. Jackson is driving a limo through Los Angeles as the city is literally falling to pieces. A building crashes down in front of him. He jumps the limo into the side of the falling building, drives the car across a floor, speeding through a business office, crashes out of a window and manages to land safely on the highway on the other side. If you can handle that level of dumb, knock yourself out.


Worldview: I was struck by Emmerich's treatment of faith. Every once in a while someone would casually mention that “its time to start praying”. Other than these passing nods to the notion that some people may or may not possibly consider asking for mercy from something that maybe perhaps might be something kinda like a God or something or who knows what, there is a remarkable absence of any real faith. The President begins to quote scripture at one point, but he is cut off before he finishes. The world is ending, billions are dying, and the only references to Jesus Christ are when characters are cursing.

Emmerich is very deliberate in his presentation of religion in this film, particularly when it comes to the destruction of iconic places. Emmerich is given credit for popularizing the destruction of landmarks in action/disaster movies. The White House being blown up in Independence Day started the trend. Destroying the White House, Washington Monument, and other landmarks serves to pervert the “Death of God Image" I’ve discussed before.

In this film, Emmerich takes the Death of God Image and runs with it. He not only shows the Christ the Redeemer Statue in Brazil crumbling, but he stops the movie cold to spend time at the Vatican. Thousands of Catholics are crowded outside of Saint Peter’s Cathedral as the Pope looks down on them from the balcony. Inside, a collection of cardinals huddle in a circle praying. As the room begins to shake they look upward to see the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel (apparently its been moved). The ceiling cracks and splits, severing the famous fingers of God and Adam. Suddenly, the Saint Peter’s Basilica plops over on its side and rolls over all of the collected Catholics killing the faithful like a big rolling pin made out of cosmic irony.

Beyond the obvious “imagine if they did this to any other group” argument, I need to point out that Emmerich goes out of his way to avoid showing large groups of people in this film. All of L.A. is destroyed but we only witness a few dozen actual deaths. The crowds that are killed on screen are shown from vast distances or are represented by focusing tightly on the fearful face of a known character.

The deaths at the Vatican are the only crowd shown killed in a specific, almost devious way. This is not by accident. Emmerich himself admits that the destruction of religious locations is intentional – in particular his choice in showing Christians getting it.


When asked about destroying Christ the Redeemer Emmerich explains,

Cautions: There's death and destruction. There's some foul language and a few instances of people taking Christ's name in vain. Beyond these infractions, there's not too much that is worth being cautioned over (regarding the content).




Once you see the film read what follows:

Two items:

Congratulations! The Good News: you’ve been cast in a huge Hollywood blockbuster. The Bad News: Your character arc is that you learn to stop peeing the bed at night.

So, the world’s elite are given the chance to buy a seat on the arks. In the end the world leaders come together to allow some stranded folk into their ships. This is used to show how we maintain our humanity. Yeah, about that, the stranded people are also rich elites who also bought their way onto the arks. So, other than some Chinese slaves, the survivors of humanity are all billionaires who drained their resources from the rest of the world so they could comfortably survive the hell on Earth they left for everyone else. The worst of humanity gets to live. Nice message.

Labels: Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Danny Glover, disaster movie, film, John Cusack, McMovie, movie review, Oliver Platt, Roland Emmerich, Thandie Newton, Woody Harrelson

More marketing than movie, the McMovie is the cinematic equivalent of mass market paperbacks or prime time network TV. These movies often have little to offer except the ability to function as amusement rides for audiences. Even through they're inherently junky, some of these can still get by on personality. Here's three McMovies that aren't complete wastes of time.



The quintessential McMovie, this movie asks nothing of its audience and gives little but spectacle in return. Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis star in this goofy flick about a group of oil drillers are sent into space with nuclear warheads to blow up a killer asteroid. The upside to this film is how it openly revels in its stupidity. The frank dumbness at the heart of this piece begs you to wallow in this thoughtlessness carnival of crap without shame. You know this is stupid, the people who made the movie know it’s stupid – everyone agrees. If you like big flashing lights, big explosions and lots of bad dialog screamed at full throat, this is the movie for you. If you’re into plot, character, dialog, or patient exposition, you’ll be better off finding something else.




The movie itself isn't going to win any awards for originality. The plot a bit copy and paste and only serves to introduce Stark/Iron Man. The points of the plot tick off predictably but the movie as a whole works because screenwriters Mark Fergus and Hank Ostby (Children of Men) smartly keep the focus on Stark rather than Iron Man. The time it takes for the transformation from man to superhero takes almost the whole film. If you're heading in to see Iron Man kick the stuffing out of bad guys and perhaps throw something through a building, you won't be completely disappointed but you're going to have to wait. Don't take this patience to mean this is a moody and ponderous film like Batman Begins. This more like Spider-Man - the story is properly developed so there's less time for the visual eye candy we have come to expect from content free films like Fantastic 4, Tomb Raider, and Daredevil, X-Men: The Last Stand.

Labels: McMovie, movie recommendations