posted by Michelle Obama's Left Nut at 6:00 PM



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Star Wars changed everything. The landscape of Hollywood was turned on its ear with the monster success of the first Star Wars film in the summer of 1977. Moreover, the film’s marketing and licensing revolutionized the industry, leaving nothing untouched in its wake. George Lucas’ homage to Joseph Campbell’s book Hero of a Thousand Faces has broken beyond its celluloid borders and entered into being our shared, modern mythology.

Even if you hate that flake Skywalker and those stupid robots, one has to admit the full power of these films and the broad effect they have had on world culture. While this influence has not always been good (as a Christian, I have serious regrets of the language used to describe “The Force”,) we can't overstate the impact the movies have had on all of our lives.

Let’s take a gander at these vital films...well the first film from 1977 is vital the two that followed were just great fun and the last (or first) trio released...well, the first film was vital.

For you geeks, pull out your Boba Fett doll, strap on your Stormtrooper helmet, and enjoy the show!

STAR WARS: EPISODE IV – A NEW HOPE (1977)

The technical marvels of the film overshadow the unmitigated disaster found in the dialog and acting. When Harrison Ford is stealing the show, you know you’ve cast some weak actors.

What can be said about this film other than it will outlive us all. This is our modern myth and our grandchildren’s grandchildren will know the name Darth Vader. We can only hope they have no idea who Jar-Jar Binks is (more on that in a bit.)

As a stand-alone piece this film passes with flying colors. It is nearly a perfectly structured film. Unfortunately, Lucas wrote the dialog which means you have some seriously childish lines. There is a term in screenwriting circles called “on the nose” dialog. On the nose, refers to dialog which a character says either exactly what they’re doing. “Look out, I’ve got a bomb!” or what they are thinking “Hey, that bomb makes me frightened – oh, I’ve wet myself!” On the nose dialog is obscenely distracting and amateurish. Every film George Lucas gets his hands on is wall to wall “on the nose” dialog. The upside is that even children can enjoy his films, the downside is that only children think the dialog is clever.

If you have never seen this film, you should ask a friend to help lift up that rock you’ve been living under and rent the darn thing.

Or you can listen to this insightful summary:

STAR WARS: EPISODE V – THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)

Hands down, this is the best of the Star Wars offerings. If you disagree, not only are you wrong - you do not have permission to finish reading these reviews. Go away.

No, I mean it – leave.

It is as if the adults took over the franchise for just a little while. This is the serious, grown-up Star Wars your mother warned you about. Dark, brooding and atmospheric, this thing is a joy. This is how sequels were meant to be – as good as the first in many respects and superior in the rest. I love this film as an individual piece. Tell me where the flaw in this ,movie is? Huh? Can you? No! If you think you can, read the ending of the previous paragraph.

Even if you’re not a fan of this film, you have to give it some points for introducing the coolest bad guy in science fiction – Boba Fett. The guy has got wrist rockets and a jet pack! How can anyone not love this film? How can you not love this film? Ahhh! Forget it! You’re hopeless!

…oh wait…there is that thing about Frank Oz and that Muppet…okay, so the piece isn't perfect. You can come back. I’m sorry.

STAR WARS: EPISODE VI – THE RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983)

It should have been titled The Receding of Han’s Hairline. Apparently, they don’t have hair plugs in a galaxy far, far away.

I am a huge fan of the fight scene at Jabba’s pleasure barge. I can watch it over and over and be thrilled by it each time. The handling of multiple battles and the editing work wonderfully. However, I do have to admit to a raging anger that sets in whenever I see Boba Fett biting the big one in such a lame way. C’mon, give the guy his due! He is dispatched by accident? Really? Lame.

There are many things to recommend this film. The play of Luke and Leia’s relationship works well. The action sequences on the moon of Endor are effective and hold one’s attention. The final standoff between the Luke and dad is certainly satisfying. But no matter how great this film is, even if this was another Citizen Kane, one thing cuts through all of the positives…

Ewoks.

I hate Lucas.

The man is a childish hack at heart and I have the Ewoks to prove it.

STAR WARS: EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE (1999)

Or otherwise known as “How To Ruin A Perfectly Good Franchise 101”.

Answer: Jar-Jar Binks!

Question: How does a dimwit make something more offensive than Ewoks?

The only menace here is the sycophants surrounding Lucas. Didn’t one of them have the fortitude to tell him that his best ideas occurred thirty years ago?

This film is beyond a disappointment. There is nothing of value here. It doesn’t do a good job of setting up a new trilogy, it doesn’t buttress the first trilogy, and it certainly can’t stand on its own. What a mess!

There is one single interesting piece to this film – Darth Maul. He is a great secondary antagonist. Lucas’ design team created the devil incarnate for this film. What does Lucas do when his protagonist comes across a perfectly ominous villain? He kills the perfect bad guy!

I hate Lucas.

Maul was a brilliant character. Almost no words pass his lips – he is animalistic, haunting and looks like Satan. What else can you ask for? Well…Boba Fett (the guy’s got wrist rockets!) Beyond him, what can you ask for? If Lucas wasn’t such a hack at heart, he would have seen that he could have stretched the Darth Maul character into the other films and created something to rival Vader.

This, by far, is the weakest of the Star Wars films. This is the Godfather III of the franchise.

For the best review of this film - perhaps the best review of any film in history - click here.

STAR WARS: EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES (2002)

Something smells like Dooku.

The thrill is gone.

Lucas dropped the ball with Episode I. He can barely muster the ability to pick it up with this film. While this movie is a far improvement over the first episode, it is a shallow stand-in for what could have been. This probably would have been a far better film if it didn't have the first episode’s failure to content with.

I appreciated the explanation of Boba Fett’s origin. Although, like Darth Maul, I think Jango Fett’s death was a waste. Who made the decision to bump that guy off?

I hate Lucas.

I believe this film did not do a good job of fully setting up the final film. We know what is coming. This film did nothing to leave any open questions for us to ponder. We know what will become of Skywalker. A talented filmmaker would have gone to the trouble of setting up enough sub-plots to give the audience something to look forward to, for example, one may have thought about developing a great bad guy over two films which the hero will have to content with, (Darth Maul anyone?) We are left just like we were walking into the film Titanic. We know the ending before we begin. What is the point?

STAR WARS: EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005)

PG-13? What is Lucas thinking? Empire was a very dark film and it managed a PG. These films are for kids! Only a hack would think it is acceptable to introduce the kind of content that forces a PG-13 rating. Remember that PG-13 movies used to be called “soft R’s” in the old days. Lucas has squandered the most important film series in human history on a whim.

I hate Lucas.

With his limp love story and feckless subplots in place, Lucas charges headlong into the final film of the Star Wars franchise. As with the other recent Star Wars films the cast of thin characters perform tasks and recite dialog but ultimately don't do much. The first three films have been waiting for the rise of Darth Vader, at long last he comes.

This is the best of the first three Star Wars films but that isn't saying much. Its like claiming that you're the least crazy member of the Jackson family - you're still crazy. This film, when set apart from the first Star Wars disasters, is reasonably good. This admitted, I have to say the first act is a scattered mess of forced action. The whole act is a ploy to allow for the eventual sale of video game products.

The opening in particular has nothing to do with anything. It establishes some plot points and opens some character interaction but the whole sequence is so overwhelmed by so much useless fighting and peril that it rings hollow when it is complete. Darth Dooku, who was vacant for much of the previous film only to show up at the end like Christopher Lee was late for the shoot, is present at the opening of this outing. Then he's bumped off.

Dooku's death is completely meaningless. We don't know this guy from Adam, we never come to understand his motivations or anything of use about his past. He's a human prop that gets thrown aside when the plot is through with him. Then Lucas introduces Dooku's replacement, General Grievousas, as the dispensable villain du jour . Again, another soulless bad guy who's not fully explained, developed or interesting. He's simply there for a Jedi to fight. Yawn.

The film continues on the same course as the previous two from this point. Abstract threats arise, people talk and do things but the thrust of the movie is lost since there is little motivating interest in the conflicts. We get some beautiful and complex special effects and battle sequences but they are as deep as the average video game. Everything is without content. It is like a film made of empty calories.

Everything changes in the final act. The film picks up steam, the characters have something to do and FINALLY have purpose. The moment Anakin makes his choice to turn to the dark side the film has meaning and becomes more solemn.

The final act is good enough to make up for the listless opening three-fourths of the film. The actors come into their own and the special effects and fight sequences take on a more serious tone. It is as if a real movie has trespassed on a crappy one.

A word of caution, the final injuries to Anakin are needlessly gruesome. Trust me, the younger members of the audience do not need to see the horrible fate that awaits the troubled pre-Vader. If you haven't seen this film and watch it with children, be mindful of the final light saber battle. The fight takes place around lava for a reason.

Overall, the film is satisfying not because it is a good film in itself, but because of its relationship to the original trilogy. With the final act of this film we are given what all fans of the franchise have always wanted, a Star Wars prequel.


Related Reviews:
Other franchises
The Alien Franchise (1979-2004)
The Lord of the Rings Franchise (2001-2003)


Other Critic's Reviews:
Episode I - Chicago Reader
Episode II - PopMatters
Episode III - Creative Loafing
The Real Star Wars - Roger Ebert
The Empire Strikes Back - Movie Hamlet
Friggin Ewoks - ReelViews


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Labels: Carrie Fisher, film, George Lucas, Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, movie review, Star Wars

posted by Michelle Obama's Left Nut at 6:00 AM



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