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December 3, 2009
Dark Water (2005)
Should I see it?
Nope.


Short Review: I’ve had more fun cleaning my television than watching this film on it.



Yet another attempt at remaking Japanese horror. Taken from the same well* as The Ring and The Grudge (the film work of Japanese horror filmmakers Takashige Ichise and Hideo Nakata (Ringu, Yogen and Ju-on), this remake of the movie Honogurai mizu no soko kara (or something like that) is horrible misfire. I think I speak for many people when I say: OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE JAPANESE HORROR WITH THE CREEPY GHOST GIRLS ALREADY! POINT TAKEN!

I understand that American horror movies are crap. Producers are remaking every horror movie from the 70’s or rehashing these Japanese pieces instead of bothering to come up with original content. Can't we put some effort into finding original horror scripts? They’re out there. I’ve read them.

It is surprising that this film is so miserable. Jennifer Connelly, Tim Roth, John C. Reilly and Pete Postlethwaite being directed by Walter Salles (The Motorcycle Diaries) how can you go wrong? The answer to that question is that you burden them with a drifting and uninteresting script and film in dim plodding scenes. I know better than to think that a cast list packed with gifted actors is a promise of quality. That said, seeing this cast in this film is like going to see Tiger Woods play only to find that he’s spending his days on a miniature golf course. Sure, technically it’s the same game but perhaps they should set their sights a little higher.

Usually, I try to find something redeeming about a film when reviewing it. I probably could find some elements of this film to hold up as positive. I’ll be honest, the amount of sincerely great talent that is sacrificed to make this droll heap of a movie irks me too much to want to bother. This movie is long in the tooth and self-conscious. Salles tries for suspense but instead delivers hollow revelations. His surprises offer no intrgue, no real shock. A film that acts suspenseful when its not is like an old woman who still thinks she’s young and pretty. The film gets all dressed up and presents itself with confidence. It taunts and teases thinking it is luring the audience in. All its doing is embarrassing itself and creeping everyone out. Sad.

Don’t bother with this film. It wants to be The Ring, but it would settle for being The Grudge. This is a boring movie who’s only interesting moments are when it stumbles over its own plot holes. It’s not worth your time, it’s not worth your attention. Just keep moving, there’s nothing to see here.

* - pun intended

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Other Critic's Reviews:
Roger Ebert
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posted by Michelle Obama's Left Nut at 8:00 AM




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