Newgnfr: The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (2008) Christian film reviews

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January 16, 2008

The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (2008)

Should I see it?
No.

Short Review: …and neither does the plot.

I’ll get the family portion of this review out of the way up front. The main question most parents want answered is “Will my kid like this movie?” The answer is yes, most likely your little urchin will like this movie. It is bright, colorful and silly. It doesn’t contain any harmful content, it is completely benign. Mothers will like this movie as well, provided they keep their standards medium low.

Alright, now on to the film geek stuff.

You’ll hear plenty of pleasant things from Christian and family sites extolling the wonderful virtues of this little movie and of Veggie Tales in general. It’s cute and it promotes good values, and it avoids almost all of the pitfalls of modern children’s faire (sex jokes, scatological humor, questionable morality, etc.) While these things are true, it is also true that this film just isn’t very good. Like its predecessor Jonah: A Veggie Tales Movie, this production is poorly constructed and shockingly low on cleverness. Like with Jonah, screenwriter (and Veggie Tales co-creator) Phil Vischer strangely decided that his period piece story couldn’t exist on its own but required a modern day jumping off point. This leaves the story with an obtuse and wholly unnecessary modern day introduction and a forced time travel scheme to get his narrative moving. We saw this with Jonah as well, and like that previous piece the modern day setting unbalances the whole story. This bad structure may be the result of a down time in his writing career since the scripts for production reportedly originated near the same time. Regardless of the timeline, this poor writing judgment is evidence that Vischer may simply not be capable of writing larger pieces for his beloved characters.

Defenders of Veggie Tales may respond by pointing out that this is a kid’s movie and shouldn’t be dissected. I disagree. Children’s films should be held to the same standards as films made for adults in regards to quality and artistic achievement. I certainly understand that Veggie Tales is little more than a puppet show. It’s a bunch of vegetables with some guys making silly voices – I get it. Unlike other children’s entertainment, Vischer and company specifically market their work as being “Christian” – with the announced intent of teaching Biblical truths. As far as “Christian” children’s entertainment is concerned, Veggie Tales is the central brand and effectively defines its genre (even though Christ is rarely directly mentioned – the series tends to rely mostly on the Old Testament). While their work has never been high quality stuff, this movie is notably hollow even by the brand’s standards. For a brand that assumes the role of glorifying God – I don’t think mediocre cuts it.

What’s notable is that this film doesn’t have the same overtly Biblical message of the usual Veggie Tales lot. Those days appear to be over following the bankruptcy and sale of Big Ideas. Now the Veggie Tales brand appears to have traded in open Biblical faith for a move pluralistic tone where the message is more hidden – or in this case of this piece fully buried. I normally highly support, filmmakers who make pieces where Biblical messages are interwoven in the narrative instead of being overtly tacked on. In this case, where the makers of the film have actually distinguished themselves by being open about their Biblical messages, it seems a little shallow when they mask their message. Again, with the larger corporate goals of the Veggie Tales brand on display, it is clear this will be something we may have to get used to.

Alright, stepping away from the film geek stuff.

So, to wrap this up, kids will enjoy this film. Most people will find it to be harmless and cute. If you have any knowledge of narrative, or filmmaking you’ll probably find this piece to be yet another poorly made and irritating kids movie that has little to offer other than its’ not trying to corrupt your kids.

Click here to view the trailer